All because two people fell in love...

5 months and clean slates...

2012-01-09T21:39:00.008-05:00

My husband hates New Year's Eve.

In the short week between Christmas and NYE, his "winter blues" begin--winter in East Tennessee isn't much fun, it rarely snows and the sun hardly ever shines, the days are just gray, so I can hardly blame him. But, I love the New Year. I am chipper and eager and full of the promise that is a newly cleaned house and a clean slate for the year. As much as I adore Christmas--the food, the family, the decorating--there are few things I find more refreshing than the day the decorations are finally put away, the floor is vacuumed, and my daily routine is suddenly simplified. New projects begin to form in my brain, and I get so inspired just thinking of all the free time I imagine I have now that the holidays have ended.

Of course, this year, it's a little different--but, somehow, the promise is still there. What I realized this year, as the holidays came to a close, is that for the first time in as long as I can remember, this year is just about...living. I'm not pregnant, I'm not trying to get pregnant, I'm not waiting for the next big thing. I'm here. I'm here with my little family, watching my baby grow, enjoying my job for the first time in years, and it seems like a really good place to be.

5 months is turning out to be pretty fun in terms of babyhood, horrid nap-strike notwithstanding. After weeks of battling tummy time, Ellie Bea just rolled over one day as though she'd been doing it her whole short life. Like, seriously Mom and Dad, what's the big deal?
Same thing with reaching for a toy. One day, she just stared at it, and us, and the next, she was grabbing at it with both hands and shoving it right into her tiny, drooly mouth.
She talks, babbles, screeches, and blows raspberries like we all know exactly what she's saying, and continues to smile and charm everyone she meets. Ellie Bea will be that kid in the store that says "Hi!" to everyone she sees. Since Mommy was a painfully shy child, I'm guessing she gets that from her showman Daddy.
No teeth yet, but I expect them any day. She's mastered rice cereal and moved on to the more advanced world of sweet potatoes, bananas, and applesauce. Because I'm, you know, like that, I've been making my own baby food, which has been really cool. I've got a stock pile of applesauce and sweet potato puree in my freezer, and zucchini and green peas are coming up next. I think, since I failed so spectacularly at breast feeding, being able to rock the homemade healthy baby food makes me feel like I'm redeeming myself.
Ellie Bea is right around 15 lbs now, with chubby baby legs that I threaten to devour daily. Seriously, is there anything more delectable than baby thighs? We've moved up again in diaper size, and she outgrows clothes at an alarming rate. I'm sure she still looks small to everyone else, but for me, this roly poly girl erases any memories of that tiny little newborn.

Her new size (and more importantly strength) led us to giving up the swaddle, which, quite frankly, sucks. She was sleeping a glorious 10-12 hours straight through right before we took the swaddle away, and now we're back to a mid-night feeding, plus a few "gas woke me up come give me my paci back" moments here and there. I know--*I KNOW*--I was so lucky to have such a great sleeper, and even one overnight wake up is better than a lot of families are doing (women LOVE to tell me about their kids who didn't sleep through the night until they were four), but, you know, that doesn't make me miss it any less. Hopefully, we'll be back to our happy night-time & nap time routine any day now....

Right?

2011-12-23T21:32:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas, Y'all!
With much love from Matt, Cortney, Ellie Bea, and (of course) Santa!

4 Months and change...

2011-12-09T13:24:00.009-05:00

Clearly, monthly posting at best is what we are looking at for a while, huh? I'm sure we can all live with that.... ;)

Ellie Bea weighed in at 12lbs 13oz at her 4 month check up, which was just after Thanksgiving. I'm guessing we're well into the 13lb mark by now, and my mind is continually blown when I pull and outfit out of the dresser drawer only to find that she no longer fits in it.

One of her favorite things in the world to do now is have Mommy or Daddy pull her up to standing so she can show off what a big girl she is. Her head control is pretty excellent these days.

She would rather chew on her hand than anything in the world.

She has started sleeping through the night on occassion. At first it was just on those nights that she refused to go to bed or days where lots of activity had worn her out, but this week she's even slept through an entire evening with, really, no particular reason. It's down right glorious, but I'm not planning on getting used to it, she likes to throw me curve balls.

She is, of course, too young to notice Christmas going on around her, but that hasn't stopped us from dressing her for the season, and decorating her room with her own little tree and a wreath on her door (a coffee filter wreath Mommy made just for her). Mommy is also making her a special present, a new mobile for over her crib, since lately she is fascinated by any and every thing hanging above her head.

She has lots of new sounds this month, including blowing raspberries and a high pitched, squealy sound that is suspiciously similar to the way the cats talk.

Still no teeth, but she is insanely drooly. She's tried some rice cereal, which was met with complete ambivalence, so clearly no rush there.

She has rolled over exactly three times, clearly she is in no rush there either, and it's killing her Daddy. She is the smiliest little smiley bear that has ever lived, but she flatly refuses to give us a real laugh. Mommy has managed to illicit a chuckle once or twice, but Ellie Bea appears to be keeping the good stuff in reserves for leverage in negotiations after the holidays.

We have our own little ritual where I kiss her on each cheek and then the nose while saying, "Mommy will kissyou and kissyou and kissyou," which is nauseating if you aren't related to us or perhaps if you don't have children and understand how impossible it is to NOT be nauseating when talking to this Snugglebug. She is my adorable baby girl, and I want to pinch her cheeks and eat her toes and squeeze her all day long. And so I shall...

3 months and the clock just keeps ticking...

2011-11-07T13:44:00.011-05:00

I cannot even fathom that it has been two months since I last posted. Since then I've started back to work two nights a week, which has been wonderful even as it's been hard to leave her for a minute. And since then, Ellie Bea has blossomed into a chubby, wiggly, giggly little baby girl. She's out of her newborn onesies and filling out her 3 month outfits. She's moved up a size in diapers. And she has generally cemented her status as the love of our lives. It's mindboggling to me how quickly this little girl keeps growing, and as all mommies are, I'm torn between the joy that is seeing her change and learn in new ways every day, and the sadness in realizing that, Oh my goodness, it's all just going by so fast!

Ellie Bea will forever be the most amazing thing to me. She is magic, and being a mother has made me magical as well.

At three months and counting, she is sleeping really well, taking good naps and only getting up once a night to eat.
She fusses at exactly 7 o'clock, every single night. It is the magic unhappy hour, and the only way to make her happy is to walk with her and let her look at everything in the room (do NOT EVEN TRY to sit, PLEASE), until she finally admits defeat and goes to sleep for her last nap.
Her smiles are pure, unadulterated joy, and make me wonder if anyone yet has checked to see if baby smiles cure cancer--because I think they might, they are that amazing...
I love the sound of her sucking on her paci over the baby monitor, and the way her eyelids instantly get heavy the minute it touches her lips.
She thinks "meeeoowww" is the funniest word in the entire grown-up language.
When I go to get her up in the morning, the moment she sees me at the edge of the crib and her face lights up and she breaks into her huge smile is so good, it may very well be the only reason I need to get up in the first place.
She knows and loves her daddy, and seeing her smile the same smile for him makes me fall in love with him again every. single. time.
She is uber-chatty now, and listening to her coo and gasp and squeal has convinced her parents and all her grandparents that she is brilliant, and will obviously talk at an early age.
She HATES tummy time. She hates it so much, and mommy is so loathe to upset her, that she may very well wind up walking first and skipping crawling altogether.
She's discovered the deliciousness that is chewing on her hands, and so far has yet to pick a favorite. Just wait til she finds her feet...

She is my baby. My Bunny Boo Bear. She is Peanutty Goodness. And if you think her daddy and I are nuts over her now, just wait. Christmas is coming.

First of many...

2011-09-05T15:34:00.011-04:00

My Baby Bea is one month old.

Everyone is right, the time just flies by--I cannot believe this tiny creature is already a month old. She changes every day, and she is positively amazing. Some things from her first month that I want to remember forever:

Her "wake-up" faces. In the process of coming back to consciousness this child runs through every possible facial expression in her repertoire. My favorite I have dubbed "the Turtle Face", and it has hints of Elmer Fudd to it as well, and is always coupled with a solid grunt. It's so ridiculous, Mommy absolutely loves it.
Her gorgeous, bright shiny blue eyes. I know, I know, they all start out blue, and hers may very well change color later. You know what? All the more reason to commit these early months of baby blues to memory. When she stares at me or her daddy and blinks those big beauties, I fall in love with her even more.
Watching her little jaw flex and eyelashes flutter while she nurses.
Her big toe. That's it, just...her big toe.
Her three sounds--the grunt, the squealy baby elephant noise, and the almost-cry-almost-talky "aah!" sound, which she's only done a few times and surprises her as much as me every time she does it.
When she plays trombone with her pacifier.
How she's thisclose to smiling....
The way she has absolutely no idea what to think about bath time.
How Mommy ran around all morning of her first Vols game, looking for an outfit small enough to wear, and when I couldn't find one, how I raided Hobby Lobby to make sure she at least has a cute orange hair bow (or three...)
How she hates 1) the moment you put on a clean diaper, 2) going to sleep in the bassinet, and 3) the Pooties (poor gassy baby).
Her little pear belly and how she finally is putting on that baby chub after being SO little for SO long.
Chillin' on the couch in the Boppy with Mommy and Daddy, watching her first Disney Movie, Tangled (although, I'm pretty sure Mommy and Daddy actually watched more than she did).
How, if I've been asleep and Daddy has her downstairs, or if I've gone to run an errand and come home, my heart leaps out of my chest the moment I see her again.
Her myriad of nicknames: Baby Bea, Jellie Bean, Bean, Noodle, Peanut (and when I'm really excited about her, "Peanutty Goodness").
How in the morning, when I first pick her up, I sing, "It's the Baby Bea Morning Show, starring Ellie Bea!"
And, finally, how her daddy and I cannot imagine loving anything more.

Yup. That's my Baby Bea.

Pictures!

2011-08-22T20:12:00.013-04:00

Sweet Baby Bea

Mommy and the Jellie Bean after our midmorning meal

Daddy and Ellie Bea studying some Law School reading

Who could blame you for being a little skeptical, kid? It's all new for all three of us...

Portrait of a new Mommy--Diaper bag and stroller, cruising the Kroger parking lot

Most mornings, this is about as far as I get before being summoned by the Queen Bea

Last picture before the belly button finally came off!

Deep conversations with Daddy

This outfit was a little boyish, so we dressed it up with our first hairbow :)

The love of our lives...

2011-08-17T18:13:00.005-04:00

My baby is two weeks old.

She is beautiful and amazing and brilliant and she is already two weeks old.

Her daddy and I cannot remember what it was like before she was here, which is probably good since it will never, ever be the same again. And that's just fine, because we're both totally and completely in love with this little girl.

She has the most beautiful little eyes ever, and a fuzzy head of blond hair. She has long feet and big toes. She likes to have her legs rubbed. She is a tiny tyrant who demands to eat every 2 1/2 hours and would like to be held at every moment if possible. She is so charming in the morning it hurts my heart just to look at her. She smells amazing. She is still too tiny for all the clothes and diapers we bought before she was born ( we've taken care of that...naturally), but she is growing like a weed. She has already been out to eat three times, and has been a perfect angel every trip. She's been to the grocery store as well, and stopped a woman in her tracks in the vitamin aisle. The lady gushed so long and so loudly over how amazing she is, I found myself looking over my shoulder in the parking lot to make sure she hadn't followed us out. She poops LOUDLY.

Her name is Ellie Bea Ann Hall.

She is the most amazing thing I have ever done.

The race to the finish....

2011-07-15T12:55:00.001-04:00

This room isn't SO bad.

As I sit here staring out at a rainy Cumberland Avenue strip on a Friday morning, I can't help but think that it's not my first choice of where to spend the next two to three weeks...

A beach would have been nice. If we're talking first choices. But let's be honest, at this point, a close runner up is "anywhere but here". Specifically, the comfort of my own couch, surrounded by my animals, on a fluffy blanket, with lots of TiVo and On Demand TV to watch, and plenty of snacks and foods that have never been powdered and reconstituted and served to me on a melamine hospital tray.

But, as I must remind myself daily, that's not a choice I have anymore. I'm here. And it's not SO bad.

There's cable, and a fridge, and it's private and clean. There's a bathroom and a shower with good water pressure. I keep saying it's a lot like staying in a hotel, in a town where there's not a lot to do, and you don't really have any money anyway.

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I left the house Monday with absolutely no idea that I wouldn't be back shortly. Another of my routine OB visits was all I had on the agenda. But with my blood pressure still measuring high, and with a bonus of increased protein in my urine (fun!), I was shuttled off to Labor and Delivery, for what I thought was just going to be monitoring. Before I could get in a room, my OB called and asked to speak with me, and let me know that, actually, I'd be staying the night. Constant monitoring and another 24 hour urine sample (24 hours of fun!) were the new agenda, and even though I think she tried to prepare me for the fact that, if that testing showed what she thought, we were looking at Pre-Eclampsia, I still don't think it fully registered to me that I might not be going home the next day. So, yeah, I won't lie...Tuesday afternoon, when she called and told me that an ambulance was going to transfer me to the downtown hospital that was going to be where I'd spend every second until I deliver this little girl...I didn't take it so well.

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But...here I am, and it's not so bad. The pre-eclampsia is still on the mild side. I'm taking a relatively low dose blood pressure medication, and Baby Girl is still cooking. Lots of monitoring (daily Non-Stress Tests, nearly daily ultrasounds, every other day labs, and multiple checks of blood pressure and blood sugar all day long) shows that we are both doing well, and delivering just yet is not necessary. We've had two steriod shots to mature her lungs, and every ultrasound reveals her little tummy bouncing up and down, exercising those lungs, practicing for the outside world. Saturday is 34 weeks, a milestone we should pass with no problems. My doctors want to get me to between 36 and 37. I want to get there too, but I also don't want to start losing my mind. We all have a fine line to walk. Theirs is a balancing act between deciding how early is too early to deliver the baby when delivering is the only thing that keeps my health from declining. Mine is the crushing guilt I have over not wanting to have a preemie versus wanting to leave this room as soon as possible with my sanity in tact. Yesterday I chatted with the girl down the hall from me, who described having the same feelings. She's been here almost a month, and she's not as far along as I am. She's my new hero. But believe me, every day, she's a little more ready to leave than ever before, regardless of what it means.

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I wish I'd know my last night in the house without a baby was my last night. I don't know if I would have done anything differently. But I would have been aware, and that would have been nice. I might have petted the doggies a bit longer, snuggled a kitty more, enjoyed my late night bowl of ice cream more enthusiastically. I would have relished sleeping in the bed next to my snoring husband, and taking a leisurely shower in my own bathroom. I might have tossed in one more load of laundry. I might have breathed in the scent of my home, my things, my life, a bit more deeply as I walked out the front door that morning, taken a last good look at the flowers blooming in the window boxes and the freshly mowed lawn.

I know, it will all still be there when I get back.
But I'll be bringing home a baby girl with me. And everything will have changed.

Quick update!

2011-07-04T14:49:00.002-04:00

Baby girl and I had our first NST (non-stress test) today. Basically, during an NST they hook up fetal monitors and track the baby's heart rate and any possible contractions. What they are looking for is the healthy spike in heart rate that occurs when baby is actively moving in the womb, all part of tracking her development and heading off any problems down the road. When I asked how long an NST usually lasts, the nurse explained to me that they need a full 20 minutes of 'active' monitoring time to get a clear picture. So, say if a baby is napping or not particularly active during a period of the monitoring, you can stay hooked up for much longer than 20 minutes. I laughed and told her this would NOT be a problem with us, Baby Girl is a wiggle worm. I'm sure everyone thinks/says this to her, and she just smiled and said, "Let's hope so!"

Before she could even get the monitor latched, the Doodle had kicked her hard. For the remaining 20 minutes, as the nurse filled out my paperwork and asked me all the standard questions, the gentle thump thump of the Doodle's heartbeat played background to the rumbling thunder of her rolling, flipping, kicking, and punching at my belly and the monitor. "You have a very happy baby in there," she said to me, as I was signing out no more than 30 minutes since pulling in the parking lot. "A very happy, perfect baby."

I never get tired of hearing that.

I suppose it was my turn....

2011-07-02T16:55:00.003-04:00

Last Sunday, Matt, my brother Mike, and I piled into my car and drove to Weaverville for a belated Father's Day celebration with my dad. Stuffed burgers, grilled pineapple and cucumber salad with fresh basil, and grilled corn with butter, lime juice, and parmesan. For dessert, I made a raspberry lemon icebox pie with a homemade toasted coconut graham cracker crust. We had a lovely day with the family, the food was amazing, and the weather beautiful.

And at some point there in the middle of the day, my feet and hands began to swell to epic proportions. They were swollen to the point of feeling like they might pop, and that popping would actually be a welcome relief. Fun.

The next day I had an appointment already scheduled at my OB's office, and Matt had already planned to come with me. As we both got ready that morning, I confided in him that I was kind of freaking out. I knew that the swelling (which was better but still puffy) coupled with high blood pressure would cause all kinds of alarm bells to go off, and even though my BP on the Friday before had been perfect, I just had this...feeling. It's rare that I hate being right...

My BP was indeed high, and all the alarm bells I predicted were rung. My doctor sent me over to Labor and Delivery for monitoring, but not before a very thorough briefing on high blood pressure, pre-eclampsia, and pre-term labor. And, also, not before delivering my sentence--Bed Rest. I thought (and Matt and the doctor agreed), that I had held it together admirably up to that point. But the phrase "bed rest" brought the tears to my eyes. No more work, no more grocery shopping, no more cooking, no cleaning, no laundry---okay, so when I list it like that you might be asking what it was that had me so upset again? But, honestly, NOT being able to do those things is insanely frustrating. I took some deep breaths, composed myself, and agreed to confinement on the couch. And with that, Matt and I headed over to L&D. I was monitored for about 3 hours, during which my BP returned to normal, and during which the Doodle's monitor showed her to be both "perfect" and "really, REALLY active". That's my girl.

We made an appointment later in the week for an ultrasound with my high risk doctors, at which they also prounounced baby girl "perfect". They also modified my bed rest sentence a bit, telling me that for every 2o minutes I spend on my feet, I have to sit out the next 40. Which, while it means I won't be heading to the mall or to work any time soon, does at least give me the option to make myself a quick lunch or go outside and sit on the deck for a bit. We got a blood pressure monitor and I use that three times a day. Starting Monday, I'll have two standing weekly appointments--a non-stress test for the Doodle on Mondays and an ultrasound on Thursdays. According to that last ultrasound, she's already 4 lbs 1 oz. I've been given a 50/50 shot at going to term, and prepared fully for the possibility of early delivery. 34 weeks is the goal in my head, and every day after that is a gift. 36 weeks and I have no concerns at all. It's mind boggling to me that "goal" simply means making it through this month. THIS MONTH. It seemed like this day would never get here, and now I'm just praying to make it through a few more days. And YES, I do feel like a genius for getting her nursery done so early, thank you. I just never realized that when I said I wanted to spend the summer with my feet up drinking tea, that would be ALL I would be doing.... ;)

So, it's been almost a week of this, and for the most part I've done well. I knew Saturday would be the tough day for me, and it has been. Small mental crack up, a few tears, but I'm doing better. It's very easy to remind yourself that this is for the greater good, especially when the greater good spends the majority of her day kicking me in the ribs and practicing kung fu on my bladder. So that's what I do. I justifies the frustration, but it doesn't cure it. Perhaps knitting will help...

Anyway, that's the story of where we are today. Bed rest. Boredom. Greater good. Please feel free to comment, email, call, write, facebook, come visit, send me games to play, etc. It's going to be a long month, and I've got nowhere to go!

Hello, Gorgeous...

2011-06-16T14:36:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I had an ultrasound at 29 weeks and 4 days. Here's the latest and greatest picture of Baby Girl Hall:
Hello, little lady! Look at that pouty mouth! That's my Doodle Bug :)

The ultrasound was quick, not much to see or do, a few fast measurements, and it was on to my regular OB appointment. When my doctor came in, her first words were, "Now THAT'S a perfect baby!" Have I mentioned that we love her? The Doodle has flipped into head down position (although, if she's got enough room to flip, she could always flip *back*, but here's hoping she stays head down). She weighs approximately 3.2 lbs, squarely in "average" territory, which is right where we want her. Dr. Wonderful said no one would ever know by looking at her perfect, perfect ultrasound that this was a diabetic pregnancy. Rock on, Doodle Bug. My blood pressure is good, her heart rate is perfect, and she's definitely a movin' and a shakin'. In fact, she's a kung fu master. I have no idea what the moment was where we moved beyond feeling "flutters" and "bubbles" and went straight to, "Dear lord, she's trying to punch her way out!", but we've passed it for damn sure. Regardless, feeling her move continues to be my favorite part of pregnancy.

In fact, I've really enjoyed the vast majority of being pregnant. I know from watching all of you ladies just how lucky I am. Yes, the insulin shots and stricter diet are a bit of a bummer (though the fact that I'll probably weigh less after she's born than when I started is a nice incentive), but it hasn't been anything I couldn't handle. I haven't been sick, and so far I haven't had a lot of swelling or fatigue (knock on wood). True, I can't sleep worth a damn at night, and the occasional bout of "restless leg syndrome" doesn't help, but thanks to my work schedule I can pretty much make up for all the lost sleep during the morning hours. I'm kind of in love with the way my pregnant body looks, which is not something I thought would happen to me. All in all, not a bad 9 months, particularly when you consider the reward at the end of it all.

My mother and her friends are in the midst of organizing a shower for me at the end of July, and when I looked at the date and realized I'd be 35 weeks that day, all I could think was, "that can't be right, can it??" But it is. 35 weeks. Nearly done. The Home Stretch.

We have one more regularly scheduled ultrasound in two weeks. Then, starting at 32 weeks, I go in for twice-weekly monitoring. Yet another perk/punishment of the diabetic pregnancy. I'll get my blood pressure monitored each time to make sure we don't get surprised by pre-eclampsia, and The Doodle will get non-stress tests to make sure her heart rate and movement are still on track. We'll take a peek each time with a quick ultrasound, and Baby Girl and I will be on our way for another few days. It sounds exhausting, but I'm grateful for all the assurance. It's a fine line between keeping her in there long to have everything develop properly, and taking her out before things get...complicated. We're so excited to meet this baby girl, I'd happily go in every day if they told me that's what it would take.

Speaking of "the Doodle" and "Baby Girl Hall", I think Matt and I have finally settled on a name. We've also settled on not telling. At least, not yet. We've decided we think it's perfect, and we don't need anyone else's opinions. Besides, it's more fun to keep y'all guessing...

Our little lady...

2011-05-17T12:24:00.002-04:00

Baby Girl Hall, 25 weeks and 2 days old.
Isn't she gorgeous?

34 years and 24 weeks...

2011-05-06T13:49:00.013-04:00

A month has gone by since we found out our adorable Baby Hall is most definitely Baby Girl Hall. We still can't settle on a name, and truly, I've lost hope of making a decision before the little Doodle makes her debut. We'll just have to look at her and decide what name suits her best. Our pool has been narrowed to five. Her middle name will be Ann, because, well, it has to be. My middle name is Ann, my mother's is Ann, my grandmother's is Ann, and Matt's mother's is Ann. I've always known we'd use Ann. So, in no particular order, the running five favorites (with nicknames in parentheses) are:

Magnolia Ann (Lola)
Beatrice (or, possibly, Beatrix) Ann (Bea)
Ellie Ann
Matilda Ann (Mattie)
August Ann

On any given day, I can fall in love with one, and find fault with the others. But I truly love them all, which is part of the problem in making any kind of decision. Poor baby girl, maybe you ARE destined to be "The Doodle" forever.... ;)

My parents, grandmother, and aunt all chipped in to buy us our crib for my birthday, and with that last piece of furniture, the nursery is essentially finished, all except for decor on the walls. I've arranged and rearranged all the elements until it's exactly the way I want it, and usually I'll wander in there to sit and bask in all the baby glory at least once a day. One of my decorating projects was this little mini-clothesline, with these vintage cotton shirts and dresses we picked up at Goodwill here and there. My other pet project was this branch full of these tiny stuffed birds, cut from patterned scraps and hand sewn and stuffed by yours truly (only noteworthy because, while I may be a painter, I am NOT a sewer, but I still managed to pull it off). For over the crib, I have plans for a set of four square canvasses, two with silhouettes (a branch with a tiny bird perched on it, and a branch with a birdhouse hung from it) and two with Baby Girl's name (once we finally decide on one) and her length and weight when born. The rest, well, it will come in due time. Much like The Doodle herself :)

We had our 24 week Fetal Echo ultrasound today. Examining all the parts we couldn't see very well last month, and in particular her little heart. All, it seems, are perfect. All chambers of the heart formed correctly, beating away beautifully as it should. She's an active little wiggler, and for the first time ever I was able to SEE and FEEL her move at the same time, which was, quite frankly, surreal. She weighs 1lb 7oz today, falling perfectly and squarely in the "average" category. As diabetics tend to have larger babies, I'm completely thrilled with 67th percentile, size-wise! She treated us to several views as she twisted and turned in there, and confirmed that she is still 100% Girl.

She's already developing a routine, as far as the squirming goes. 6am, 10am (after breakfast), and between 10pm and midnight are her most active times (the latter does not bode well for her Daddy and I in terms of "bed time") In fruit and vegetable terms, she's a papaya. And tomorrow, 24 weeks old, will mark her as "viable". Of course we want her to continue to cook in there for the next three months, but there is some satisfaction in knowing that, were she to come early, she'd now have a shot at surviving--a battle as a preemie, true, but, surviving.

Just a few weeks more, and we're in the third trimester. The home stretch. This is the time I've been waiting for my whole pregnancy. It's time for farmer's markets, and fresh Tennessee strawberries, blooming flower gardens and growing tomatoes. Freshly mown grass and driving around with the windows down. Soon there'll be lightning bugs. And before we know it, it'll be Doodle time :)

SO...

2011-04-12T13:01:00.004-04:00

In case you haven't heard...

IT'S A GIRL!

Yes, we're sure this time. Yes, that was a surprise. Yes, we are delighted. Of course, we were happy either way, and it certainly took a few days to readjust my world view, considering I had gotten pretty used to the idea that The Doodle was a boy. And, yes, Baby Girl Hall will have to spend the first few months of her life wearing a lot of blue (as much as I loathe hair bows on a bald little baby, I'm thinking I might have to subject the little girl to one out in public, lest her momma get in trouble for snapping at the people who mistakenly say, "What an adorable little boy!". It's cool, I never really liked pink that much anyway). The nursery and all the big ticket items we already purchased were picked with gender-neutrality in mind, and I so prefer greens and yelllows in decorating, it probably would have all gone that way regardless.

Friday evening after our earth-shattering ultrasound, we were driving home with a take-n-bake pizza, and suddenly I felt bubbles run up my expanding bump to my belly button. And thus, The Doodlebug's first kick was felt. I don't know if it was all that bouncing she did during the ultrasound, or the constant pressure of the scanning on my belly for an hour made me more aware of my uterus, but there it was. And I've been able to feel her tossing about in there ever since. When Matt asked what it felt like, I thought about all the comparisons I've heard (bubbles, fluttering, popcorn), but honestly, that sensation reminded me of something else entirely. "Did you ever fart in the bathtub as a kid? And the bubbles run up your back? That's exactly what it felt like."

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So, according to the scan, Baby Girl's organs are all functioning as they should. She's right on target at an estimated weight of 13 oz. and her heart beats at a beautiful-sounding 148 beats per minute. She is perfect.

As for me, well, allergies are kicking my ass. I still can't get more than a few hours solid sleep at a time. And the last trusty pair of jeans that fit are suddenly a lot more comfortable if I leave them unbuttoned. I caught a glimpse of myself in the window at Target yesterday, and I realized my center of gravity has shifted, and suddenly my bump is a belly. I've put on minimal weight since getting pregnant, my doctors say the numbers are right where they should be. But, clearly, things are movin' around in there. And, they reminded me this week, those numbers? Are about to explode. Awesome.

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Our chief occupation since learning the news Friday has been trying to pick a name. When the baby was a boy, we knew instantly, and in a week or two our whole family was referring to him by that name. Now that he's a she, well, we're having trouble pulling the trigger. Early on, we had two front runners, and suddenly now that we knew for sure, we had doubts. And mothers with opinions. And helpful suggestions. And now, instead of narrowing our list, it grows longer every day. So, I figure, what the heck....I'm humbly asking for your suggestions. Keep in mind, our last name is Hall, so there are a lot of names that will be ruled out simply because together they sound like a dorm. Lately our litmus test has been, does the name sound better in one of these two phrases:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise. The honorable Judge _____ _____ Hall, presiding." Or, "Gentlemen, please welcome to the main stage of the Snake Pit Lounge, ______ _____ Hall!" Obviously, we prefer the former...

So...suggestions? I'll probably post our list at some point...we'll see.

Random Thoughts Masquerading as Cohesive Ideas...

2011-04-04T13:07:00.005-04:00

Yeah. I'm pregnant. That is my excuse. FOR EVERYTHING.

19 weeks is pretty exciting, I must admit. Nearly halfway (or, well, probably halfway, considering I believe very strongly I won't go the full 40), and I'm really starting to feel pregnant. I haven't felt the baby move yet, my doctor has predicted I won't til 21 weeks or so. But I can feel my uterus if I poke my belly button, which, quite frankly, is just bizarre. I already have to get up twice a night to pee (I'm sure this has just as much to do with the fact that I'm drinking water like it's a competitive sport as it does pressure on my bladder). I've got one pair of jeans that still fits with no problems, and most of my favorite spring shirts are working just fine, but, well, there's no disguising the Belly (which, I'm kind of digging, but will dig more once it's *obviously* a Baby Belly). I'm not sleeping all that well during the night, but my schedule let's me do some solid sleeping from about 6am to 8:30, once Matt gets up and herds all the animals downstairs.

I had my first visit with my High Risk Perinatologist (thanks to my ol' pal, Daisy Bee Bees), since the pregnancy hormones will progressively complicate how my body processes food, glucose, and insulin. I don't yet love them like I love my OB (who I get to see in conjunction with the perinatologist and who will be the one to deliver my baby, yay!), but they're all very helpful and understanding. It sucks, of course, to not be able to binge on cookie dough or french fries, but the five months or so I have left are well worth the sacrifice for a healthy baby. My biggest fear about being a pregnant diabetic has nothing to do with birth defects (which are highly unlikely anyway), but more selfishly, to do with the fact that diabetic babies tend to be on the, um, LARGE size. I'd like to avoid a C-section if possible, but I'm also not excited about the prospect of pushing a line-backer out of me, epidural or no.

We're slowly but surely amassing more, well, stuff. Yeah. There's a lot of stuff that goes with babies, huh? The nursery is coming along swimmingly. After doing some measuring Matt and I broke out the graph paper (like the nerds we are) and diagrammed all possible set-ups for the furniture. We threw out our original configuration, and I think the new arrangement is much better. We also scored the perfect rug, on clearance, for about $20, and suddenly this room that was collecting furniture became The Baby's Room. We're still waiting on the crib *ahem, cough, Mom and Dad, cough* and we have to buy the shelves for the opposite wall, but the plan is in place. Several people have mentioned it seems like I'm really getting a jump on the nursery, which is true, and I tell them all the same thing--my plan is to finish it all in the second trimester, so while I'm gigantic and pregnant and uncomfortable in the unbearable heat of a Tennessee summer, my biggest project will be finding some air conditioning and the perfect position to prop my feet up and fan myself while I drink ice tea.

Work continues to be awesome--I love what I do, it's not stressful or hard for me, and I get paid well by people who appreciate both my work and my work ethic--truly, what more could you ask for? As a new business we're still working out kinks with scheduling and hiring and marketing, but those headaches seem minor in the larger picture, which I think bodes well for me and my future there.

And, it's Spring. Oh, how I adore Spring. The transitional season (Spring and Fall) have always been my favorite, and if it weren't for the horrific allergies I suffer through every year, Spring might just be the winner. Even with the sneezing and congestion and the itchy eyes, it's hard not to get a little rapturous at the weather and the sunshine and the greening grass and budding trees. Spring in East Tennessee is so beautiful, and I appreciate it perhaps this year like no other...

It's A BOY!

2011-02-22T14:02:00.006-05:00

....we think...

Truth is, we're not sure. Not 100%. I'm only 13 weeks, which technically speaking is far too early to be able to tell. But at our monthly appointment yesterday, The Doodle graced us with an ass-up posture the entire time, which meant two things. 1) We had a nearly impossible time getting a cute little face picture for the fridge, but 2) we got a prime shot of the young'uns developing genitals. The minute our doctor asked us if, on the off chance she could tell, would we like to know the sex?, the both of us said "absolutely!" Both she and Matt instantly pointed to a spot on the ultrasound where the suspected penis was (I suspect my husband has been secretly studying ink blot tests for practice). I put on my glasses, leaned forward, cocked my head to the side, pretty much anything I could think of to give myself the advantage I needed to be able to see this mythical member. In the end, I took their word for it. It wasn't until I had the print outs in my hand, and was able to flip them upside-down to get a right-side up view, that I could see what they're talking about. So, here we are. With a powerful disclaimer reminding everyone (including myself) that it's still REALLY EARLY and we're not 100% sure....our OB is pretty sure. We're having a boy! *

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*probably

It's been a big weekend...

2011-02-15T14:57:00.009-05:00

I suppose, that's kind of an understatement.

If you know me or my husband through Facebook, then you already know the biggest part of the story.

We're pregnant. I'm pregnant. We're having a baby. Baby Hall, hence forth to be known as "The Doodle". And we just announced it to the world. You'll pardon me if this is the only way I can sum up this moment, but....Holy Shit.

So now you all know. It's been a secret, from everyone but our doctors, for quite some time. Specifically, the day I took that pregnancy test was December 17th. As of this moment, I am 12 weeks and four days pregnant. But we've been keeping this secret for a lot longer than a few months. More like two years...

Back a jillion years ago (or, well, 2008) after a blissful first year of marriage, Matt and I began discussing having a family. At my annual visit, my OBGYN and I discussed it, and she offered to run some basic bloodwork for me, so we could assess where we were starting from. Unfortunately, what we found was high blood sugar. You all remember that. And when I started seeing an endocrinologist, I mentioned testing for several diseases. I mentioned the ones that came back negative. What I did not mention was the one that came back positive. My OBGYN and my endocrinologist jointly diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). The insulin resistance is merely a side effect of this larger disease. 10% of ALL women suffer from PCOS, and it is the number one cause of infertility among women. And, quite frankly, it's a bitch. Anyway, what I've been conveniently not mentioning since fall of 2008 is that every doctor visit, every outrageous prescription, and every exasperating lifestyle change I've implemented has been in treatment of PCOS, and been in the pursuit of getting pregnant. We didn't tell, not because we were ashamed in any way, if anything it has been frustrating for me not to be able to speak out about PCOS and be an advocate for those suffering from infertility. We didn't tell, frankly, because we're private. We didn't tell, because fighting what felt like such a futile battle was pressure enough, without having to involve everyone else. We didn't tell, because it was the right thing for us. But, oh, you guys, you have no idea the feeling of relief I get from finally being able to talk about it. This is that journey, in a nutshell....

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In 2009, I was cleared by my endocrinologist to begin trying to conceive. I started with a fabulous new OB, who put me on the mildest fertility drug at our disposal, starting at the lowest dose. As winter turned into spring and spring into summer, we upped the dosage each month, and each time, were disappointed to find my ovaries hadn't responded at all. My OB referred me to an Reproductive Endocrinologist, who ran tests on both Matt and I, and began treating me with drugs again, this time a much stronger drug at a much higher dosage. For several more months, that failed as well. Finally, in December, we decided upon surgery on my ovaries as the next step, and January 5, 2010, I had laproscopic ovarian diathermy (a fancy term for what basically amounts to cauterizing spots on my ovaries). Later that month, I began ovulating on my own. We began timing the cycles with an hCG injection to pinpoint ovulation, and finally, in May, we thought we'd finally hit the jackpot. Unfortunately, we lost the pregnancy in it's earliest stages. After a short break, we began again, this time with another drug added to boost ovulation. Eventually, we added intrauterine insemination (IUI) to the mix (basically a "turkey baster" procedure). We did an IUI cycle in November, and again in December. December 3rd, 2010, I laid in an exam room, Matt holding my hand, wearing my lucky Santa Lobster socks, and the elf hat I was wearing the night Matt proposed to me. That was the day my husband, a nurse, an RE, and a PA got me pregnant. Granted, it doesn't sound romantic. But, after two years of being poked, prodded, and drugged on a constant two-week rotation, I became a fan of anything that works. This worked.

Two weeks later, at 14 Days Past Ovulation, I took a pregnancy test, and later that day had a beta at my RE's office. On January 3rd, at 6weeks2days, my RE confirmed the pregnancy was doing well via ultrasound, and we saw The Doodle's beating heart. The RE continued to monitor my progesterone levels weekly, and at 9 weeks I had my first visit back with my regular OB, whom I promptly fell in love with again. She described The Doodle with one word. "Perfect." Matt and I agreed that, now that we were sure the pregnancy was progressing exactly as it should, we would pick a date to "come out". This past Friday, my dad got a package from me, ostensibly for his birthday. It was a frame, a "baby" frame, and inside was a picture from our 9 week ultrasound. My mom cried. Then Matt and I drove to his parents' house, where we brought them Valentine's cookies, and a card. The card was addressed to Grandma and Grandpa, and it too contained the ultrasound picture. Matt's mom sent us home with two huge bags of Matt's old baby clothes. Both sets of Grandparents-to-be are thrilled. My relatives all received Valentine's Day cards from us, all with their own pictures of The Doodle. Later that night we told all our Facebook pals. And now, I've told you.

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The Doodle is due August 27th. Saturday marks the start of my second trimester. Matt and I have been buying gender neutral baby clothes at Goodwill at an alarming rate. Currently, my unborn child has more clothes than I do. Which isn't hard to believe, since none of my clothes fit right anymore anyway. Other than being exhausted all the time, I feel great. No morning sickness, but I did go through a 3 week period of being grossed out by all food except fruit. That has passed, and now I will push you down in public for a hamburger and fries.

Easing back in...

2011-02-06T13:07:00.002-05:00

Hi.
I missed you all, too.

Basically, a mere day or two since my Thanksgiving post, our little lives got shaken up like a snowglobe for, what seems like now, the millionth time. And things were crazy and then they were bad and then they were okay and then they were amazing and then it was Christmas and then it was New Year's and some parts were wonderful and some parts were scary and some things are better and some things still haven't worked themselves out.

So, I just wanted to say that I'm here. And I have lots to tell. Next week. For now, I'm organizing my thoughts the way I wish I could organize my life, and that's taking some time. I did finally get the pictures off my camera, so Flickr has some new stuff for you to see. If you're curious how the Christmas Present Homemade Extravaganza turned out, those pictures are under the "Craft Projects" set. So, yeah, enjoy my handiwork, and next week, I'll be here. With some stories to tell...

So this is what's next...

2010-11-29T18:59:00.010-05:00

As I sit here, typing, there is a massive dish of turkey pot pie in the oven, bubblin' away. Turkey. The last of the white meat. Still legs and thighs left in the fridge. And I hate leftovers. Oh, the turkey. It was delicious, but, in hindsight, a 13 lb bird for four people who love side dishes more than anything was probably a bit on the large side. Oh well. Thus, the pot pie.

How was your Thanksgiving? We had an excellent, low key day with Matt's family and the aforementioned excessive bird. I wore a cute apron. The cats managed to stay off the table during dinner. We watched the parade AND the dog show. Good day.

Mostly I relished not being at the bakery. My first week as a free woman was glorious, so much so that I suffered a massive guilt attack and had a teary melt down in my kitchen as Matt watched. I was having a hard time reconciling my glee with the overwhelming feeling that I was no longer pulling my weight (even though my house has never been cleaner, dinners are spectacular, the laundry gets done every day, and I'm handmaking all our Christmas gifts...). I dreaded not having a job almost equally as much as I dreaded getting called for an interview and giving up my glory days. And as I sobbed about losing my purpose and my crushing guilt and how I wish I could just be an artist, my sweet husband just stared at me puzzled, sighed, and said, "So why don't you not worry about it at all until January, and in the mean time, try to figure out how you can just be an artist?" And I blinked back my tears, and wiped my snotty nose on my sleeve, and said, "....Really?" And my darling husband said, "Sure."

And that's how I ended up staying up until the wee hours of the morning, researching printers and archival ink and packaging and shipping containers and etsy and crafter's guilds and Oh. Emm. Gee. Y'all, I'm gonna be an artist.

Almost everyone I've told has been supportive in the extreme. My parents are delighted. Our friends in Virginia are already planning a commissioned painting. I've got a few skeptical extended family members, but you know, they'll just have to get over it. This is something I have to try. If I fail, I fail, and I find a new safe job, or my next life's passion, or whatever. At least I know I took a shot at finding bliss in my work. Who wouldn't want to take a chance like that?

In the mean time I'm also still, you know, living my life and all. Decorating for Christmas, making pot pie, cranking out presents, going to the park. I'm making Jeff Hertzberg and Zoe Francios' Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day, which has been pretty cool so far--an experiment worthy of a post of it's own, maybe later this week. Whether I'm hanging ornaments or walking the dogs, though, my head is still racing...planning...pondering...

It never stops. This is a good thing.

Ladies who've gone before me...if you have any advice, things you wish you knew when you started an art-based business...don't be shy. Share. I'm all ears.

So that happened...

2010-11-13T21:41:00.009-05:00

Well, I am officially unemployed.

Shortly after my last post, as if on cue (thanks, Universe, you have one hell of a sense of humor!), my replacement, the one I'd spent a month training, abruptly quit. Goodbye, days of freedom! So long, walks in the park!

So, I went back to work full time. For another three weeks. Luckily, resourceful gal that I am, I was able to contact my former decorating instructor, and with her help, I found my own *new* replacement. And she's leaps and bounds better than the last one. And she came everyday, and she learned from me, and she survived the scrutiny of my bosses. I think I love her.

Friday was my last day, without much pomp and circumstance. No parties or speeches or cards or gifts, just hugs and heartfelt goodbyes, which was just fine. In fact, it never felt like a last day. That is, until I got in my car and drove away. Approximately 50 feet from my parking space, I felt the lump in my throat rise, and the tears well. Endings, no matter how they are reached, always make me sad.

My last cake, for a Movie Themed Party

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In other somewhat related news, it looks like I did NOT get the dream job I interviewed for (that one I felt so confident about, naturally--Universe, you are a HOOT!). Beyond my disappointment in not getting the job, the way it was handled was nothing short of unprofessional, and the best thing I can say is, well, glad I'm not going to be working for employers who treat their job candidates that way. Things work out the way they're supposed to, I suppose. I'll get over it. But I have to admit, the opportunity to work in an art related field was really attractive...maybe another opportunity just as good is around the corner. I'm keeping my eyes open, and the creative juices flowing...

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While I look elsewhere (elsewhere and everywhere), I have a million ideas and projects to work on, and I have to admit, I'm pretty psyched about them. I decided rather suddenly this week to declare this year a Handmade Christmas, and I've already spent an inordinate amount of time compiling a notebook full of ideas, pictures, magazine clippings, and lists of web references. I want to make 90% of the gifts (okay, that figure is up for revision at anytime, but it's a goal, anyway). Tomorrow I'm dragging the ancient (no, let's call it... vintage) sewing machine out of my garage, and making learning to use it my pet project for the week. Gotta love a challenge, and besides, I've got some time on my hands :)

Last year's Sock Dog..more to come!

Deja Vu...

2010-10-18T11:03:00.005-04:00

There was a day like today, almost two years ago exactly. I was walking the trails at Campbell Station Park with the dogs. It was a gorgeous fall day. And there was a moment on that walk that was a perfect, single moment of clarity and peace. Everything felt right with the world. I was as happy as I had been in a long, long time. We'd been in our house a year, and married just a little longer. We both were feeling secure in our jobs, Matt was doing well in school, and I had beaten the most recent challenge in my life, my Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis. I felt good that day. Really, really good.

And then, as we all know, a few days later the shit hit the fan. I lost my job, my focus, my family contentment. I cried a lot. And even though the two years since has seen it's bright spots (becoming a cake decorator full time, Matt graduating and getting accepted to law school), I haven't been as happy since. The last few months, in particular, have been possibly the worst. Charles' passing and my dad's health have weighed heavily on my family. Matt constantly battles frustration with his job and with law school, and sometimes I feel like I'm the only thing keeping him from quitting it all. And while most days it's nice to feel like the good thing in someone's life that keeps them grounded, it's a whole different feeling the bad days, when you feel like the anchor that's dragging them down. Medications and lifestyle changes have piled on 20lbs or so that I worked so hard to lose. It's not in my nature to be a depressed person, and to simply exist in this manner has exhausted me, frustrated me, to the point where I no longer feel like myself. I've disappeared. Life is complicated, and I know it was just as complicated on that sunny October day two years ago, but Oh, did it seem so much more manageable back then...

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Today was my second Monday home. The second week in a row that I have handed over to my replacement at work. I worked three days last week, and just on custom cake orders. I'll work two days this week, doing the same. Next week, I might only go in once. We're slowly cutting the cord, and I've reached that point I needed to, where I no longer want to be there. I'm ready for the job to be hers. I'm not sorry, not scared. I don't regret this decision to leave, however totally confusing to everyone it may be. That job was never supposed to be permanent. It was a temporary measure, a quick fix, it was a job when I needed one, and it was in a field I had to explore, just to see if I wanted it to be my forever. I don't. It's beyond my time to go.

I got up this morning with the alarm, as usual. Matt and I had breakfast together, and then each retreated to our respective computers for a while, just as we start every weekday. When I finished, I went back upstairs to our bedroom where Matt was at his desk. I was feeling crampy, and since I wasn't obligated to be anywhere, I climbed back in bed, whining and puny. The dogs curled up on either side of me while Matt took his shower and got ready for work. He brought me some aspirin and kissed my forehead before he left. I stayed in bed for a bit, feeling guilty as I watched the sky turn from pink to blue, listening to the garbage truck cruise the neighborhood and thinking of Matt and everyone off to work, being productive. The aspirin kicked in, and I felt purposeful again. I rolled out of bed, threw on some sweats, and loaded the dogs in the car. We were at the park at exactly 9:00.

Still in the mid 40's, it was a chilly morning, and our breathing left frosty little cloud trails as we climbed the hills. The first lap felt so good, we did a second. I do all my best thinking out there on those park trails. And I thought about how happy I was to have this time to myself, to have left the bakery and to be working on my LIFE. To be getting my house in order. To finished and folded loads loads of laundry on the bed. To a weeded garden, trimmed shrubs, fresh mulch and newly potted mums. To being clear headed and focused for the first time in a long time. To be climbing those hills, working my body, increasing my heart rate and improving myself, my health, my life.

And suddenly, I had a familiar feeling. It was one I haven't had in two years. I had my moment, once again, of perfect clarity and contentment. I had my moment of peace.

I'm back. And, you guys, I think....everything's gonna be all right.

2010-09-27T14:55:00.006-04:00

So, it's raining.

I love a rainy day. But you know this. This particular rainy day comes with crisp fall temperatures. I love this even more. A nice happy 10 day forecast of nothing but 70's. Fall has arrived.

Ah, Fall.

Always my favorite season, the last few of them have been, well, complicated. This one is no different.

I quit my job. For a myriad of reasons, really. I both liked and respected everyone I work with, and I do really enjoy my job. But there were these...things. Things, spanning the gamut from health concerns to just plain personal needs, that meant it was time to go. So, I gave my notice. This week I start training my replacement. And while I have some territorial emotions about this, I'm actually kind of looking forward to the teaching aspect.

So, the big question--what am I going to do now? Well, it's a good one. The short answer is, I'm not exactly sure. But, unlike the last time I set out in search of employment, this is on my terms. I've got an application in with our local Red Cross Office. I renewed my application to be a Wilton Method Instructor. I've sent a few feelers out about town. And, I've got several back-up irons in the fire. Worse comes to worse, even an 8-5 reception job will be better for me in the long run than the unpredictable schedule and high stress of my current job during the holidays. And, I'm honest enough with myself to know that anything I find right now is temporary. I'm still figuring out what I want to be when I grow up, and that takes some trial and error. I miss art. Do I want to teach? Do I want to paint? Do I want to sell pickles from a stand on the side of the road? I don't know. But as we always say, doing something, even the wrong thing, is better than doing nothing. So, I'm doing something.

I'm moving on. It's still too new to be scary. Mostly, it just feels good.

...you better be sure it's yours.

2010-08-26T19:30:00.002-04:00

We buried my grandfather yesterday.

The good news. The good news is that his suffering is over. Charles was a fighter, even through the end. 10 years of Prostate cancer, lung cancer, congestive heart failure, and kidney failure. The last three years, constantly connected to an oxygen tank, clear tubing trailing throughout the house. A basket full of pills. And more emergency room visits, surgeries, and unexpected complications from meds that don't mix than any human being should ever have to suffer. And yet the man lived, through sheer force of will, both his, and my grandmother's. She, his constant caretaker. Tireless and unceasing. Meticulous, was the word the cardiologist used. She was meticulous. But even she conceded, it was time to let him go.

The last three days of his life were excruciating to watch. Once we made the decision, simply to "keep him comfortable", the morphine meant it was only excruciating for us around him. My brother, so sweet, so sensitive, and in the last years, so very close to Charles, visibly took it the hardest. But it was my grandmother that shattered my already broken heart when she whispered softly as we sat on the couch together, "I'm losing my best friend." I immediately went outside, and called Matt. It's time. I need you. Bring the dogs, check into a hotel, and come get me. Tomorrow we're moving him into hospice care. Baby....death is so ugly.

Though we all spent most of the day by his bedside, in the end, only my grandmother was left in the room, holding his hand, when he finally slipped away. His best friend. She said it was peaceful. What no one said was, it was a relief. The lifting of all that tension was like a drug.

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When I arrived at the house yesterday, Gramma said, "Curt the minister asked if anyone from the family wanted to speak, but he said he understood if no one felt like they could." I knew it couldn't be me. I didn't think any of us could. But my brother stepped forward, offered to shoulder the burden as if it were the most natural thing in the world. My grandmother was so happy. I was terrified. He's the only person I know who hates to cry in front of others more than I do.

Mike sat down in the dining room with a pen and paper as the rest of us finished getting dressed. When I walked through the room he stopped me and said with a grin, "Hey....um, is it improper to use the word 'asshole'?" I told him my gut instinct was, "YES", but asked for the context. As he explained a few more family members drifted into the room, and in the end we all agreed that, yes, it was risky, but somehow, totally fitting. There was never a man more devoted to his church and his faith than my grandfather. My rationale was, would Charles have been offended? Nope, not in the least. And, would he have said it himself, if the circumstances were reversed? Hell yes, he would.

When the minister introduced my brother at the service, he said simply, "And now, a grandson remembers his grandfather." I tensed. But my brother spoke easily, as good in front of this crowd as I had ever seen him. He told two stories that perfectly summed up my grandfather.

Charles had an absolutely brilliant mind, and loved anything that exercised his brain--puzzles, riddles, jokes. He was gifted at carpentry and anything mechanical--he could build, fix, or dissect anything, figure out how it worked, and explain to you why it did the things it did the way it did them. He was, in a word, amazing. And to illustrate this, Mike told the story of Charles' ring.

He wore a large, 18 karat gold ring, with a huge square black lacquered face, and the center was studded with a large, single diamond. He'd worn it as long as I can remember. It certainly wasn't a ring just anyone could wear, and he pulled it off, as only Charles could have. My brother asked my grandmother, how exactly had Charles come by that ring, and she told him she bought it from her friend at the bank, George. George was a notorious gambler, and had a weekly poker game where the stakes were, shall we say, not for the faint of heart. And one morning after poker George called my grandmother into his office and showed her this ring. He had won it off of Tom T. Hall (the ol' country star), who had put up the ring to cover the $750 he lost to George that night. George wasn't much of a jewelry guy, and didn't really like the ring, but Gramma said she liked it very much, and thought Charles would, too. She asked George if he'd take the original $750 he was owed for the ring, and he accepted. And Charles got his ring.

Nearly 25 years ago, Charles was in a bad car crash. Totaled car, shattered glass, and a trip to the hospital. When Gramma reached his side, he said, "Janice, the stone in my ring is missing. Go back to that crash and search that car for that diamond." She did, but neither she nor my aunt could find the stone anywhere among the wreckage. Multiple searches, every nook and cranny of the car explored, and nothing. Charles was not satisfied, but thinking she'd just buy a replacement, she took the ring to the jeweler to find out what it would cost to replace the diamond. The conservative estimate was $4200. THAT was out of the question. But Charles was not about to give up on the ring.

"Where's all the glass from the accident?" he asked.

"I'm assuming in the trash somewhere, Charles, where else would it be?"

"Get it. That stone is mixed in with all that broken glass."

So, Gramma called the shop that had picked up the car after the accident. Yes, they still had all the glass...at the bottom of their shop trash bin, but yeah, it was all there. Naturally, they were curious about why on earth anyone would want the glass shards from their car wreck, but Gramma wasn't exactly willing to admit their might be a $4200 diamond in their trash, so she just said, please put it in a box and save it for me. They did, and she delivered the box, deep with glittering chunks of windshield, to Charles.

"Even if it's IN there, you will never find that diamond in that box of glass," she told him, and she strolled off, leaving him with his latest puzzle to solve. Moments later, she heard him call her name, and when she entered the room, he handed her the diamond, freshly plucked from the box as though it had been waiting there for him the whole time.

"I CANNOT believe you found it that fast! Do you have any idea how lucky that was? I mean, that stone could have been on the side of the road, lost in the hospital or the ambulance, anywhere! That it was even in that glass was amazing, and I just can't believe you opened that box right up and found it..."

She handed it back to him, and then watched, horrified, as he tossed it back in the box, closed the lid, and shook. And then he found it again. Just to show her that there was no luck to it. It was all too easy for Charles.

---------------------------

Now, for the past year or so, my brother has been working for a company based out of Chattanooga. He travels often, and for long periods of time, but when he comes "home", home is Gramma and Charles' house. So in that time, he and Charles had been able to have lots of chats. His company is a startup, still growing and still very much working out the kinks, and this provides my brother with a never-ending source of frustration. Charles loved to advise him on his latest headache, and truly, was never wrong in his advice. My brother explained this to all of us, seated in the chapel for the memorial, and then, he said this:

"One of the best pieces of advice, and quite frankly, the last one he ever gave me was this. And, Lord, forgive me for what I'm about to say, but this was the man that I loved.

He told me, 'Michael, if there's going to be only one happy asshole in the bunch, you better be sure it's yours.'"

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The man was always, always, ALWAYS right.

And I will never forget it.

Quick bites...

2010-08-04T18:50:00.002-04:00

One day.

One day, we will win the lottery, or invent something, or somehow otherwise luck up so that I can quit my job and be at home, all day long, painting or cooking or otherwise creating something awesome.

And one day, when that happens, I will start packing bento lunches for my husband/one-day family. Because, this? Is. Freaking. Awesome.

Accomplished, by definition...

2010-07-29T18:06:00.003-04:00

So, where shall we begin?

I made croissants.

And when I say that, I don't mean I made crescent rolls. I didn't pop a can of anything. I mean, I made, from scratch, over two days, real live actual butter-and-pastry croissants. It's tempting to end that statement with the phrase "so, suck it", but that is completely unnecessary, and not valid, because while I made croissants, this, my first batch was not perfect. But I learned, oh did I learn, and my next batch will be perfection. And in the mean time, you can still be totally impressed with me.

The lovely Julie at Willow Bird Baking issued a challenge a few weeks ago, and I find it impossible to resist a cooking challenge that promised to be as satisfying as this :) So when I had a good weekend to devote to the effort, I followed her directions, advice, and very helpful illustrations (also, some help from Julia Child with regards to butter-bashing), and the result was fantastic, and oh so very satisfying. I thought they were best served warm, with a little butter and a drizzle of honey, but anyway you served them, they were pretty fantastic.

In hindsight, I would probably do a few more folds/turns with the dough. Once I got the technique down, I really enjoyed the measuring, folding, and rolling, and formed quite an attachment to my lovely little bundle of pastry :) A few more turns would yield even more flaky layers, which, let's face it, can only be viewed as improvement! Also, I'd be much more liberal with the egg wash. The other croissant graduates' pictures boast much more golden, shiny croissants than me, and this is all about my light touch with the wash. Despite these few small shortcomings, the result was still pretty impressive, and enough to make me feel like an official croissant master! I'm pretty sure these will find there way onto my Christmas morning brunch menu this year...

Next post, I'll have some of my new favorite cake pictures, and Matt in his own personal Man vs. Food challenge at the Fountain City Diner (*spoiler alert*, food, sadly, was victorious).

A Summer full of everything and nothing...

2010-06-30T14:23:00.003-04:00

Are you having that kind of summer, too? It might just be me.

The days around here are full, so full, that when I look backwards at more than a month to catch up on, I don't know where to start. Except, all these things that have made the summer months so full--well, it's not much to write home (or, in this case, blog) about. I've got no real milestones to report, no big accomplishments to brag about, it's all been little things, some wonderful, some not, that have packed themselves into my days, stolen the hours, and arranged themselves, not even remotely chronologically or even orderly, into my memories. Overall, it has been a wonderful summer so far, and despite a few things that weigh very heavily on my mind and in my heart, I can go to sleep peacefully most nights, with a smile on my face. *sigh* The rest of that crap will just have to work itself out, and I'm attempting to be my very most patient self in regards to it all.

Two milestones did occur, one being that Matt finished (more like, survived) his first full year in law school, and is now in the middle of a summer session of Criminal Law, getting a jump on next semester. Law school continues to be a daily struggle, but every day that passes is another glimpse at the light at the end of the tunnel, for us both. The first year is supposed to be the hardest anyway, right? ;)

Milestone number two passed in late May, when Matt and I celebrated our third anniversary. Hard to believe it's been three years since our wedding, it seems both too long and too short ago for that number. We packed up the doggies and spent the weekend at a cabin in the mountains, and it was a lovely back-yard getaway for us all.

Since then, we've filled the days with fresh veggies and farmer's markets, Biscuit festival, thunderstorms, and sunny days in the garden. My peas did not make it, but the tomatoes and peppers are looking good, and my pumpkin vines (three kinds this year) look to once again take over the yard. Lizards and the occasional snake come bask in the sunshine on our deck, the deer meander through the yard some mornings, and the bunnies play hide and seek at dusk. Two different bird houses have been home to baby wrens so far, and just yesterday a busy little couple built the most adorable hobbit-hole of a nest in my pink New Guinea Impatiens basket. I'd be upset (a nest makes the thing a chore to water carefully now), but it's too precious a home to be discouraged.

Matt and I laid a hardwood floor in our spare room over Memorial Day weekend, with our own little hands and a wealth of borrowed tools. We still haven't put down the finishing trim (a goal for this weekend), but the room looks amazing, and my next task is to refinish the dresser that goes against the back wall. Projects move slow around here lately, but that's okay with me. I'm making peace with not having deadlines and still getting things done, which works just fine if there's no one waiting on you.

We've slowly begun to evolve the cake situation at work lately, and it has really afforded me some opportunity to get creative, with some awesome successes (and a few flops, but such is life, and the customer's didn't seem to notice or care). Adding a smaller size to our repertoire has given me the green light to do some small tiered cakes, and the relative slowness of the summer has meant I can take some extra time with them, and do some really cool stuff. Nothing makes me happier lately than to see an order with an invitation or cocktail napkin to try and match. Getting to play like that has helped me feel less "small" about my current job, but I still have my moments for feeling inadequate. However, that, my friends, is certainly a post for another time.

So far, this summer has been one full of reflection. This is mostly a good thing, but it does tend to bring out the recluse in me. I'm very wrapped up in my own little world right now, and focusing so much on myself and what the hell it is exactly that I want my life to be seems to make me, well, kind of a crappy friend. If I haven't commented, questioned, or generally participated in your life (whether virtual or actual), it's not because I'm not paying attention. I'm just kind of cocooned at the moment, and frankly, hoping all this effort I'm putting into figuring myself out gets me...well...somewhere.

All the rest of my time is simply being spent soaking up Summer.

CSA: Week One

2010-05-04T18:58:00.002-04:00

So, I'm sure this is just old news to those of you who've been on the CSA bandwagon for a while, but holy pajamas, y'all, I LOVE MY CSA SHARE.

Week one being the first week in May, it's still early here in East Tennessee as far as farm fresh produce goes, so our inaugural bundle is mostly greens, but, hey, I'm down with greens. Greens are DELICIOUS, and I know for a fact that Matt and I don't eat enough of them. SO, greens it is.

Our first share: Mixed salad greens, mixed steaming greens, baby kale, baby arugula, lemon balm, radishes, green onions, crunchy pea sprouts, and Bonus! half a dozen gorgeous brown eggs.

So, the bargain Matt and I struck with each other upon deciding to go in on a CSA share was that we had to use EVERYTHING, letting something go bad or unused was a crime, even if we'd never had it before (actually, especially if we'd never had it before) or weren't sure we'd like it. (although Matt, cheater, wouldn't have radishes on his salad tonight, but oh well, baby steps...)

Saturday evening I made pizza (it's a weekly thing now!), and that gave us a great opportunity to use some arugula. We had two pizzas, the first with pesto, fresh tomatoes, mozzerella, and chopped arugula added the last minute or so of cooking. The second was a caramelized onion, bacon, and smoked blue cheese (the brand is Moody Blue, if you like blue cheese, you NEED to try it!) pizza. Both were outstanding.

How beautiful is this pizza? Come over for pizza night anytime!

Sunday morning we went unconventional and decided on salad for breakfast. Topped with a fried egg. It was breakfast, after all...

Mixed salad greens, baby arugula, crunchy pea sprouts, minced green onion, crumbled Queso Fresco (which I made myself, a post for another time...), a drizzle of really good balsamic and a splash of olive oil, and a fresh egg fried in bacon fat, seasoned with kosher salt, pepper, and a dash of smoked paprika.

Monday's dinner had no CSA greens, mainly because I had to use up some produce I already had. But the leftover pork tenderloin from that meal made it's way into tonight's salad as well.

Same basic salad mix and dressing, with thinly sliced spring radishes, Moody Blue Blue Cheese crumbles, and sliced spicy grilled pork tenderloin.

I'm planning on using the steaming greens tomorrow along with the baby turnip greens from Matt's parent's garden. The remaining green onions and radishes are going to get chopped into a relish (ala chow chow) for blackeyed peas. The kale is on tap to get braised on Thursday. Any leftover arugula will top another pizza on Friday. And I think I'm going to steep the lemon balm in a simple syrup and add it to some iced tea (unless anyone has a better idea...anyone? Lemon balm?).

So that, my dears, is week one. And already I feel like this could change the way Matt and I eat completely. Every week is something new, and every night is like Iron Chef. Did you other CSA'ers feel this rapturous about your shares? Maybe it's just me. My relationship with food has always been somewhat unconventional. In the mean time, I'm giddy thinking about what's to come next week....

My favorite birthday song...

2010-04-22T07:39:00.000-04:00

Vintage 1977

2010-04-21T20:06:00.003-04:00

In a few short hours, I will be 33.

I'm honestly just not sure how that happened. I mean it. I remember turning 30, and everything since has been a blur. Three years of smashed together memories. Three years--every day I realize more and more why my mother couldn't ever remember specifics about when in our lives something happened. At a certain point, all the memories become snapshots. They no longer exist on a timeline. They exist in a box. They are jumbled and tossed together, shuffled completely with all the other events that became significant for whatever reason, perhaps none at all. And, in my new found maturity, I'm finding that I like that. I like it a lot. I don't want an chronologically organized album of my life, I want an old shoebox full of junk that only makes sense to me. I want baby pictures next to graduation programs. In short, I'm embracing the chaos. Every body take deep breaths.

So. Thirty-three. I'll be honest, I'm expecting a lot of the coming year. Some of it is out of my hands, and other expectations are all up to me. I've been working harder in the past few years than I ever expected, harder than I knew I was capable of working. Not just professionally, though leaping from a comfortable and safe home office of 10 years and into the unknown hasn't been easy. I don't always love my job, and I'm often disappointed. Beyond that, I've had to learn how to work on my marriage--even the most wonderful and perfect marriage, which is what I feel like I have, requires a daily effort, some times even more than I think can give. My family is getting older, and I'm constantly having to figure out how to handle the consequences of growing up, and what that means for the people in my extended universe, and my relationships with them. I've had to learn more about myself, what I want, and what makes me happy. And every. single. day. I have to push myself to do the things that I know are best for me, for my health, and for my happiness.
Being a grown up is freakin' DIFFICULT, y'all.

So, yeah, in some ways I still feel, like we all do, that I'm a child, masquerading as an adult. But, in so many others, I'm thankful for the wisdom and the peace that I gain with every trip around the sun. I'm also really tired. Add that to the growing list of things I now understand more about my mother--why she was always on the look out for a nap or opportunity to soak in a tub. Anyway, that's about all the birthday-reflectiveness I can muster this year--just know that, as the day passes, as every day passes, I'm working towards my goal of figuring out just who the hell I am. It's a lot of time to spend in your own head, there's all kinds of crazy goin' on up in here. Which is why, at least for the next couple of months, I'm gonna spend plenty of time out in the yard, too. The simplicity of growing things in dirt is a nice change of pace ;)

Random Thoughts Masquerading as a Post...

2010-04-11T17:31:00.002-04:00

I started my Biscuit portrait today. Finished the basic underpainting. It's going well, but I'm nervous about the checkered cloth I used in the still life. It could make or break the painting, and I hope that I can be relaxed about it and not obsess on getting too many of the details exactly right. Loose, loose, loose is the mantra. KEEP IT LOOOOSE...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weather this week has been phenomenal. One chilly, rainy day (which, actually, was kind of nice), and the rest has been textbook spring. Gorgeous, sunny, green days. Only problem, naturally, is the pollen...MUST you ruin everything, sexy-flower-dust? So, I've got the sniffles and the scratchy watery eyes and chapped face that I always get each spring. Last night while searching for possible natural remedies to add to my usual Claritin repertoire, I read the most cracked-out, poorly worded, pitifully spelled, grammatically incoherent and scientifically schizophrenic article, claiming that simply by adding probiotics to your diet you can "cure" your allergies. According to the author, "allergy bacteria" will be attacked in your digestive system this way. Hmmm, and here I thought the airborn pollen particles were an issue because I was BREATHING them. Apparently it's all the "allergy bacteria" I've been eating instead. This article was ridiculous, even by Internet standards. *sigh* Get an editor.

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The light in my backyard is just gorgeous. Simply amazing. Any time of day. I'd be lying if I didn't say my opinions weren't possibly colored by my own prejudices, but I don't think it's all me. I mean, I'm enraptured by the view. I could sit and stare at the backyard all. damn. day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've got banana bread in the oven. I smell the most amazing baking smells every single day at my job, and with the exception of buttered graham cracker crusts for Key Lime pies, nothing smells as amazing as banana bread. Sometimes it's the little things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On tap for this evening is homemade pizza. My goal of mastering homemade pizza has been achieved, y'all. I'm awfully proud of this accomplishment. I'm a good cook, but pizza, and more importantly getting the right kind of crust, has been a challenge. But I've got it. I've got it down. It's perfect. Tonight, we're having one pizza with arugula, fresh mozzerella, and heirloom tomatoes, and another with a sautee of mixed gourmet mushrooms and a goat's milk brie, both on a super crispy rosemary garlic crust. Matt's a little hesitant about the mushroom pizza, but I promised him he'll be okay. Pizza's become a nearly weekly staple 'round here, I'll make the dough on Thursday night, and on Fridays, when I've usually had a full day at the bakery, I can come home and throw together a gourmet round of pizzas for movie night. Not bad at all, if I do say so myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of food, I've found my summer snack staple, Avocado Salsa Fresca. It's not exactly a new thing, we've eaten it plenty before, but yesterday I threw it together in five minutes and we ate on the deck in the sunshine and it was so good it was like having it for the first time. So, here's the super-simple recipe for you, so you can enjoy it with me all summer long. I can't wait until the summer and I can make this with garden fresh tomatoes from the back yard :)

Quick and Easy Avocado Salsa Fresca

2 chopped Avocados
1 large chopped fresh Tomato
1/4 cup finely chopped Red Onion
Juice of one Lime
2 Tbsp finely chopped Cilantro

Toss all ingredients gently in a serving bowl and eat IMMEDIATELY with really good tortilla chips, preferably outdoors on a patio at sunset.

You must eat it all, this does not keep well. FRESCA, as in FRESH, y'all. It's important to make it only moments before you plan to eat it, and it's equally important to eat it all. This is worth ruining your dinner for. In fact, this is worth just being dinner itself. Eat every drop and don't feel bad. You deserve it.

I think it's some funky transitional thing...

2010-03-10T19:18:00.002-05:00

Monday night I painted my nails a flashy metallic teal color. "Marine Scene." I haven't had a non-traditional color anywhere but my toes in years. I used to wear every color in the spectrum. I used to wear white eyeliner. I used to have a tongue piercing. I haven't been that person in a long time, though. Lately, I've been daydreaming of putting a super-saturated, brightly colored streak in my hair. Red, maybe purple. There's a metallic royal blue nail polish I looked at in Walgreen's that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. I'm not a corporate employee. I'm not on the PTA. And hair dye and nail polish are a lot cheaper and more temporary than another tattoo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today I left work and didn't really feel like coming home. It was early afternoon, so instead I grabbed some lunch and headed to the park. I ate my lunch at a picnic table, under a gazebo, while I watched a man toss a tennis ball over and over to his gorgeous golden retriever. After the man and the dog headed off up one of the mulched trails for a walk, I watched a gaggle of four kids ride down the big paved trail on razor scooters (it hadn't occurred to me until that moment that those things still existed). For a brief second, I was envious--it looked ridiculously fun. But I was quickly reminded of my age when my thoughts shifted gears to how dangerous that gigantic blind curve was, and how I'd probably snap an ankle trying to slow down going into it.

Still restless, I cleaned up my table and walked down the path and across the lot to the library. I wasn't really looking for anything in particular, and rather than check anything out, I picked up a few interesting books and found myself an empty table. I sat there for the next hour or so, blissfully anonymous and undisturbed. I reshelved my books, noting some things I might want to come back for another time, and, somehow satisfied, headed home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm looking for something. I'm not sure what.

For over a year, my life has simply been happening to me. I haven't made a choice in a long time. My actions have been out of necessity. My schedule is dictated to me. It's time for something...different. Even if it's something small. Maybe I'll get really in to my flower garden. Maybe I'll write a cookbook. Give up soda (ha! let's not get crazy). Take up needlepoint. Maybe I'll paint.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In June, Knoxville is hosting a Biscuit Festival. (How awesome is that, by the way? It's actually The International Biscuit Festival, though I don't know what other countries are participating...) Part of the festival is a juried art show, with all the works being based on "celebrating the heritage of home cooking and southern culture." For some reason, last night, it occurred to me that I could paint something and enter it. I think I will, if for no other reason that to celebrate that the thought occurred to me. So, yeah. I think this weekend I'll try and set up a little still life. Biscuits, some gingham, and a cast iron skillet? Maybe a glass of tea? You know. Something Southern ;) At worst, I'm out a $15 entry fee. At best I win the grand $250 prize and sell my painting for $500 to a random biscuit/art lover. More than likely, I'll simply get in, have my piece on display for the month of June, and when the show is over I'll have a nice new painting for my kitchen. And I will have done something.

So. Win-win.

...and then the doldrums pulled me down, down, down...

2010-03-07T18:54:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, I find it really disheartening to go back and look at my life through this blog. I certainly don't mean for that to happen. I try to write here, and write as often as I can, and I want to paint a complete picture of my life, but I don't, not really. And it's not just the lapse in time between posts (although, that certainly can't help matters. I mean, just look at that last date. I lost a month. A whole month. Rather incomplete, wouldn't you say?). But a big part of why the picture is only partial is because of the way I censor myself. When I'm not happy, or have exciting news to share, or a recipe to brag on, pictures to post, or cakes to talk about, I just can't get motivated to write. I can't imagine that anyone would want to read about how frustrated I am. Or when I'm sad, or bored, or whatever. But that's me too, isn't it? I used to be able to do that. But honestly, since The Great Firing of 2008, it's as though I don't want to admit to myself, the world, whoever, that I'm still sad. A lot. I'm happy a lot too, and I'm trying, every day, to be positive. But I have to be honest about it when I'm not. So. Yeah. February is the lost month on this blog you guys, because I hate it. February Sucks.

Is it me, or was this the Winter That WOULD NOT END? I've never been so happy to see March in all my life. And I hate March. Well, that's not fair...I don't trust March. March taunts you with promises of sunshine and spring, and then it snows or turns bitterly cold out of nowhere just when you were starting to feel hopeful and alive again. But I know that about March, and we've come to terms with it, March and I, however bitterly I have accepted these terms.

But February? February was just brutal this year, wasn't it? If I honestly just don't trust March, then I honestly, truly do hate February. I try, I try every single year, but I don't get very far. And I am thankful every single year that February is the shortest month, 'cause damn if I could have made it another couple of days. (I think Sunday had the best plan, go ahead and give birth in February, and give yourself a reason to love it). This last part of Winter is just unbearable. Spring is in the air, it's on everyone's lips, I can practically taste it. But outside it's still dark and it's still cold and it's still dreary and BLAH AND OH. MY. GOD. IS IT OVER YET?

Which is why this weekend was a golden beam of perfection, burning straight into my core and melting my aching little heart of ice. This weekend was birds singing and sun shining. It was dogs and cats rolling in the grass. It was sharpened mower blades and raking out the flower beds. It was sleeping in and brunch and afternoon catnaps. This weekend was perfect. And it was just what the doctor ordered.

I love you guys.
And I'm so very happy that it's almost Spring.

Hibernating...

2010-01-27T21:20:00.002-05:00

Apparently, it's supposed to snow.
Nothing like what Jessica is currently experiencing, but, for us here in East Tennessee, this could be a big deal. It could also just be a weekend of really cold rain. But anyway, we're all getting our ducks in a row, just in case.

For me, this does not mean milk, eggs, and bread. (As my husband pointed out, why milk, eggs, and bread? Are we all having French toast?) For me, this means figuring out what I'm going to spend my Saturday cooking, since, when I'm snowed in, that is absolutely what I want to do. Okay, so it's what I do on a random Tuesday, also, but it's *really* what I do on snow days.

Thanks to a few posts from the Daring Baker's Challenges (of which I do not participate in, but read about anyway), we have a winner:
Nanaimo Bars.
Because they look good. Because, technically, they are no-bake, and that means I can bake some french bread loaves at the same time, if I be so inclined. And because they, like the artic mass of air that I hope is going to batter this gulf moisture into falling as snow, they come from Canada.

So, cross your fingers for snow for us here in K-town, for more breaks in the weather for poor Jess, and for a picture post on Sunday, right here, of my very own Nanaimo Bars. :)
See you then...

A long overdue food post...

2010-01-19T19:28:00.004-05:00

Man, it's been too long. It's long past time for more on my favorite topic. Food. Sustenance. Eatin'. So, without further ado, here's a couple things I'm loving lately...

Greek Yogurt.

I hate yogurt. I try, every now and then, to like it. I know it's good for me. I know it's an excellent, healthy snack with pro-biotics and all kinds of good stuff. I KNOW. Yes, I tried that brand. Yes, I tried that flavor. IT'S ALL GROSS. (okay, once I ate some yogurt I liked, but I was in Hawaii, and it was mixed with tropical fruit granola and served in a fresh papaya. And I was in HAWAII.) So, as I'm attempting to get as healthy as possible this year, the prospect of eating yogurt just didn't seem viable. But I heard good things from foodies about greek yogurt, and I've used plain greek yogurt as a sub for sour cream before. So, I decided to give it a shot. And I totally love it. LOVE IT. Throw in some grape-nuts and fresh blueberries, and I'm all over it. Thank you, greek yogurt, for making it possible for me to eat your cultured goodness. Now I just have to wean myself down to the low-fat version...

Kale Chips

Y'all. Kale chips. Who knew? Again with the healthy foods--Kale, a good for you, dark, leafy green. That I cannot cook without it tasting bitter. Blech. But, magic happens in a low oven. Torn kale leaves, a little olive oil and salt, and 25 minutes at 250 degrees. Crispy roasted greens, you guys. I love 'em. Okay, so it took some getting used to for Matt, he didn't love it at first, but this is the same person who took one bite of my amazing homemade baklava and tossed it aside, saying only, "...it's....juicy..." He's coming around.

Savory Turnovers

We've been rockin' these things for dinner of late. Fancy homemade Hot Pockets. With Matt having to rush off to class four nights a week, these have become amazingly convenient for me to get on the table. Inspired by a Martha Stewart recipe, I've been playing around with fillings and plain old boxed Pepperidge Farm puff pastry. Sausage and mushroom filling flavored with onion and thyme was a hit. Tonight we had chicken and mushroom with cream cheese and chives. Throw a filling together, roll out the pastry, and they bake in less than half an hour. If you do it right, you can even eat with your hands. I've been trying to round out the meal with a salad, but they make a pretty nice meal by themselves.

So, how 'bout y'all? What have you been making lately?

Digging out...

2010-01-10T14:57:00.003-05:00

To describe how I've been feeling the last week as "under the weather" cannot even begin to cover it. To paraphrase a line from Friends, there was the weather, 50 feet of crap, and then me. Even today, I feel a little weak, but tomorrow, Scarlett, is another day, and the first real day of 2010 for Matt and I. He starts his second semester of Law School, I start back to work, and the new routine begins.

I love beginnings. Even when they're no big deal, like tomorrow will end up being. Probably because, as I've admitted before, I love routines, too. And any "start" implies a new regularity, and new something to decode, decipher, and settle into. For me, setting up a routine is like solving a puzzle, or creating a recipe. And the result is something like "The Exact Right Day", or "The Ideal Week", or, you know, (fingers crossed) "The Best Year Yet." As generally easy going as I am, altering my routine, screwing up my schedule, or just plain ol' changing plans can really make me pissy (just ask my poor, long-suffering husband). So, for me, the ideal time for change is the beginning. It's not an inconvenience to be born, hey, it's just part of the alchemy.

Clearly, then, I love the New Year.

I don't get sad at the passing of another year. I don't look backward in mourning. I admit to being reflective, yes, but not with the hint of melancholy that seems to be infused in most people, I guess. The truth is, I love a clean slate. And absolutely EVERY body understands about clean slates come January. I don't even get sad that the holidays have ended. I'm usually ready. And something about the blank canvass that is my home, stripped of all the holly and twinkle lights, is reassuring, comforting even. A nice, simple environment, from which to contemplate, and to plan.

I have lots of plans for 2010. Or, more exactly, I have lots of seeds that I hope will bloom into plans. Lots of beginnings. Lots of places to start. Could there be anything more exciting than that?

Next Week...

2009-12-31T10:02:00.002-05:00

Next week is not Christmas.

It is not New Year's.

Next week is next week, it is 2010, and I do not have anywhere to go, any family to see, or any houseguests coming to celebrate with us. I do not have work. I do not have cakes to make. Next week is wide open.

So, next week. I'll see you then. With Christmas recaps and contemplative New Year posts, and pictures galore.

Until then, have a safe and happy New Year's Eve, and only the best in 2010.
Love to you all!

2009-12-01T15:15:00.002-05:00

Hi.
I missed you too.
I was busy.
I went to a ballgame.
We had really good seats.
(That's why I'm smiling so big)

See?
*Really* good seats.
It was Senior Day even.
And despite the lackluster performance, my beloved Vols pulled out a win. And I stayed up too late.
The next night, more friends blew through town for just one night. We met them out for drinks and Tall Paul. Matt played guitar, and I didn't go to bed til 1 AM. Did I mention I was getting up at 5?

Then I worked 30 hours in two days. Thanksgiving, in case you didn't know, is a big holiday where baked goods are concerned. Huge, in fact. So huge that I spent 17 1/2 hours at work Tuesday, icing somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 cakes, 150 cookies, and 100 or so cupcakes. Guess what my family did NOT eat on Thanksgiving?! If you guessed anything that involved icing, you get the prize! (The prize also does not involve icing.)

So, yeah. Work. Thanksgiving. Football. Oh, and a little Christmas decorating to boot. Pictures of that to come later, I promise :) Meanwhile, there's a couple dozen new cake pictures over on Flickr. Hope you all had an excellent November. Now bring on Christmas...

Pictures, not words...

2009-10-26T14:51:00.002-04:00

Hannah's Wedding Cake, pumpkin and chocolate cake; gumpaste leaves, daisies, roses, mums, and calla lillies; and fondant pumpkins, gourds, and acorns.

MIA for at least another week...

2009-10-19T21:01:00.002-04:00

Yup, I've been busy. Too busy to post. Particularly this week, as my house has been turned into a gumpaste and fondant factory, cranking out fall-themed decorations for the lovely Hannah's wedding cake. So, you see, I'll be MIA until that little all-consuming project is complete, and Miss Hannah is Mrs. Hannah. But I've got SO MUCH to show you all, and I've been thinking about you, every single day. Just haven't had much time...so until the deal is done, I'll have to leave you with just this sneak peek, a picture of fondant pumpkins. And if you'd like to see what I've been up to at work, I just dumped a couple dozen cake pictures on Flickr...

A'ight, y'all, see you in a week, I promise!

Things

2009-09-16T20:44:00.003-04:00

First and foremost, how precious are these cupcakes? Like, are these not the most adorable cupcakes you've ever seen? Big gorgeous red Poppy blooms...on a cupcake. Genius. Genius, I tell you, and I wish I could say I came up with the idea, but I didn't. I only executed it. This design is courtesy of the follow-up book to my beloved Whimsical Bakehouse, a book focused on small cakes and cupcakes, which I "checked out" of the bakery's "library" of recipe and design books this week. I made a set of three florals--the poppy, a blue hydrangea, and a pink gerber daisy, and displayed them in the case at work yesterday. Today when I came in, I already had an order for tomorrow, and another promised for next month.

All this was prelude to say, yeah, things are going well with my new job.

I love the schedule. LOVE it. But more importantly, I love the work. Even Fridays, when I wind up putting in an 11-hour workday on my feet with no break (after my cushy 3-5 hours a day Monday thru Thursday), I walk out with a smile. Exhausted, but smiling. I also love being at home when Matt get's off work, I love sitting down for the brief 30 minutes we have for dinner before LAW SCHOOL every night, which has also been a big adjustment. Lots to adjust to, but we're doing well, and though I can't speak for Matt, I know I'm beginning to hit my stride. It's a nice feeling, since the truth is I haven't felt really happy in a long long time. But lately, I've been good. Productive even...my house is cleaner, I'm on top of the laundry (well, ok, more on top of the laundry), and the guestroom is freshly painted and waiting for me to start the next phase--ripping out the carpet.

All that was prelude to say, yeah, things are going well in general.

Maybe it's the mood elevators talking...

...TOTALLY kidding...

I haven't forgotten you, my bloggy friends...

2009-08-24T13:23:00.003-04:00

...I've just, well, been busy! Finally ;)

First and most importantly, how fantastic does my husband look in his new suit? He looks like a lawyer already. We've survived the first week of law school beautifully, and next week when I start my new schedule, I anticipate life at home to go even more smoothly. He, in the mean time, is adjusting to all the reading, reading, reading...

In addition to my crazy back and forth schedule at work (oh, how I long for routine...), I've had a couple extra cakes to do at home. My first and biggest cake project to date was a Jimmy Buffett-slash-golf themed sheet cake, which was a gigantic undertaking but really turned out to be a fun cake. Not one I'm looking to repeat any time soon, since I spent hours hand making all the decorations out of tinted white chocolate, but it looked impressive enough to justify it's price tag anyway. The other cake was a cute two layer 10 inch round cake for a little boy's cowboy themed birthday. He requested a horse. His momma requested chocolate, and something that would work with her decorations, which were all bandana-inspired. NO PROBLEM. I think it turned out really cute, and I hope Preston and his momma were as pleased as I was. The bandana sides in particular were a blast, and I really feel like they *made* the cake. That, and the rope border, which is one of my favorite borders to do but I rarely have such a perfect opportunity to use it. More pictures of both cakes and all the details will be up on the cake blog shortly. Also cake related, the lovely Hannah and I have done some conferring on her upcoming wedding cake, and it's going to be just fabulous! I've never been more excited about a cake, and couldn't be happier about who I'm making it for!

So, thanks to the extra income from the cakes, I found myself in the unusual-of-late circumstance of being able to buy a lil' somethin' for myself. Man, I miss shopping. Anyway, while out shopping for ties and sock for the budding lawyer, I found these shoes and absolutely fell in love. Everyone deserves some fancy dancin' shoes, now I've just got find myself somewhere to go ;) I mean, really, how adorable are these? Clinton and Stacey would be so proud...

So, yeah.

2009-08-03T15:08:00.002-04:00

Hey, August, huh? Yeah, it's, well, it's been that kind of month. Where a whole lot of nothing happened, but enough of it to keep me from the blogosphere like a good and proper communicator. So, July went something like this--Matt got into Law School, we elected to take a "staycation" to celebrate his final moments of freedom, it rained approximately 25 of 31 days this month, I grew the pumpkin vine that ate Knoxville, and the decorator at my bakery announced she was moving to Dallas at the end of August. Or something like that.

So, once the two big life events presented themselves (Law School, Check! New Job for me, Check!), the rest of our time (in between hiking trips and Rug Doctoring the carpets) was spent figuring out just what the heck our lives were gonna look like come, say, September. The good news is, I think we've got it all figured out. The bad news? We're gonna be pretty damn busy for a while. Anyway, it looks like it's gonna go a little something like this....

Matt starts school August 17th, Monday through Thursday, 6:15 to 9:45 pm. If the decorator job hadn't come through, this would mean we'd see each other about 2 hours a day, but thankfully that won't be an issue now. I'm going to finish out my current schedule at the bakery (Tuesday through Friday to 6 pm) in August, with a few Mondays as the decorator to make sure I'm up to speed (today was one of those Mondays, and I'd say my speed is A-Okay). Starting in September, I move to an early shift (finished by 2 most days), and Matt will go to work a bit earlier as well, so that he can be home by 4:30 or so. I'll have dinner on the table at 5, we'll get to eat together like normal people, and he'll be off to school by 5:30 or so. So what am I going to do with my 4 1/2+ hours a night during the week? Good question. If I had any money, I'd go back to pottery class, and maybe by next year I'll be able to. In the mean time, I just so happened to have invested in some ceramic paints, oh, AGES ago, and finally am going to have the time to put them to use. These things are a blast, and maybe this will be the thing to get my creative juices flowing and that long-ago promised Etsy shop opened. Also, I have a few dozen home improvement ideas kicking around in my head, and the fact is that, when I get bored and I'm all by myself, I tend to go drastic. So don't be surprised if I tell you I've dug a fish pond, repainted a room, or ripped out some carpeting on a whim. That's just how I roll...

And now we interrupt your programming for a special announcement....

2009-07-01T19:12:00.000-04:00

MATT JUST GOT ACCEPTED TO LAW SCHOOL!

...you may now resume your regularly scheduled activities. Us? We've got to get back to partyin'.

When celebrating this weekend, please keep this in mind...

2009-07-01T08:59:00.002-04:00

Originally from Salon.com:

It's time to stand up for homemade potato salad

Come on, people, it's not that hard to make. Do you really think we can't tell the difference?

By Garrison Keillor

July 1, 2009 | I walked the length of the westbound Lake Shore Limited as it left Albany last Sunday, six crowded coaches, and counted three Twitterers and a couple of phone texters, six laptoppers (two of whom were watching movies), four video gamers, and 27 people reading books. Books made of paper! Turning the pages with their fingers one by one, reading the lines left to right, just as people have done for hundreds of years. Ain't that something?

I didn't lean down for a close look at the books they were reading -- I was not brought up to do that -- so perhaps bodices were being ripped and stalkers were stalking and meteorites were heading straight for Earth, but no matter. Books were being read!

Along with live theater, monogamy and the bald eagle, the paper book has been despaired over and its demise freely predicted, and yet, among people heading west, it seems to be the diversion of choice. So Dickens and Jane Austen and Flannery O'Connor are not dead yet.

And the bald eagle is coming back, along with the gray wolf and the Yellowstone grizzly -- though less attractive endangered species such as the glassy-eyed smelt and the orangefoot pimpleback mussel and various arachnids are still in doubt -- and theater seems as alluring as ever, judging by the number of young New York waiters with large personalities. And as for monogamy, it's there, waiting to be rediscovered.

So let me speak up for an endangered menu item this Fourth of July weekend and that is homemade potato salad.

When the family meets this weekend to hobnob and burn burgers, the family member assigned to bring the potato salad is likely going to walk in with a couple of gallon plastic buckets of yellowish muck bought at a convenience store, the price stickers still on them, and set them down on the table with no apology whatsoever.

Or, if they have more disposable income, they'll bring paper containers full of brownish muck from the natural organic sustainable united empathetic co-op.

If you bring garbage to share with your family, the least you can do is tell a lie and say, "I couldn't make the potato salad myself because I am bipolar and my lover left me and my dog has leukemia and I have an oozing leprous sore on my mixing hand."

It is not that hard to make potato salad, people. Take half an hour away from your Facebook page and do the job right. Boil some eggs, chop the celery and chives and green onions, boil the potatoes, make your mayonnaise, maybe toss in a little sour cream, use plenty of dill, and sprinkle paprika on top. The eerie-yellow store-bought stuff in the tubs was manufactured at Amalgamated Salad in Houston by undocumented 12-year-olds from the hills of Michoacan. Worse, it is teaching our children that accomplishment doesn't matter.

A child served yellow slop from a bucket is being told that it's OK to plagiarize a term paper off the Internet just so long as it's poorly written.

What if Thomas Jefferson had been too busy hobnobbing to write the Declaration of Independence so he just downloaded a bunch of stuff he found Googling "independence" and coming up with stuff about indolence, pendants, incontinence, but hey, close enough, and he pasted it together and they all signed it and went out to a movie? Not good.

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the potato salad that has connected them with another, they will do it, believe me, so why insult us? Just because we're polite, do you think we can't tell the difference? Are we demented? Does this not seem self-evident to you?

Attend to the details. Teach your children manners. Write cogent paragraphs. Drive carefully. And make a good potato salad, one with some crunch, maybe accompanied by a fried drumstick with crackly skin -- the humble potato and the stupid chicken, ennobled by diligent cooking -- and is this not the meaning of our beautiful country, to take what is common and enable it to become beautiful? All our beautiful young people -- so diligent and focused and powered by hope -- you can't tell me those kids didn't have parents who took time to chop the celery and onions and experiment with the ratio of mayo to mustard to achieve a potato salad that is worthy of our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

(Garrison Keillor is the author of "77 Love Sonnets," published by Common Good Books.)

These are a few of my favorite things...

2009-06-06T11:03:00.002-04:00

I'm currently sitting under an umbrella in my new favorite spot on earth. There are baby housewrens chirping from their nest in a birdhouse just above my head. The water is splashing melodically in the fountain behind me. A wonderful breeze is rustling the limbs and leaves in the woods directly in front of me. I'm surrounded by gorgeous, cloudless blue skies. And in the distance, I KID YOU NOT, a train whistle just blew.

It's like movie out here today.

I'm speaking, of course, of my deck, and my glorious back yard, where lately I find that I am happiest. I suppose I could update you on our lives (as though there were much to report--beyond Matt applying to law school, everything is pretty much the same), but instead I'll give you pictures of my new found oasis, and invite you all over for barbecue, anytime you want.

More pictures on Flickr.

A mama blue bird just landed on the pergola to my left, she and papa are scouting our bluebird house on the tulip poplar. Linus is rolling in the sunshine on the hill. A cardinal is splashing in the birdbath.

It's a good day out here, y'all.

Some baking...

2009-05-04T14:14:00.002-04:00

Working in a bakery and wanting to actually *keep* my paycheck means I have to come home and bake all the tempting treats I work with all day.

My first official Challah loaf

Pineapple upside down cake, from scratch. Well worth repeating all summer long!

Love for the Kitties...

2009-04-27T15:55:00.003-04:00

The cats don't make it on the blog as often as they deserve. So, today, it's all about some kitty love.Marley's calendar shot. This picture should be framed and hung in my house. Isn't he beautiful? Marley is my boyfriend...

These two are exact opposites in disposition--in fact, I can't believe Zoe was being so tolerant as to let Nilo share this much space with her. I blame it on the sunshine--the pure joy these cats get from rolling on the deck in the sunshine gets them both high (or, perhaps that was the catnip Matt had just sprinkled liberally on that very spot? Hmmm....). Normally Zoe would not condone one of my cats *touching* her. And we call Marley a princess...

Baby Steps...

2009-04-16T08:56:00.002-04:00

My brother and I made this stepping stone for my grandmother (long ago, when his foot was still able to be contained in 12"x12" cement), and it resided in her condo patio garden in Nashville for (I'm guessing?) 15 years or so. Along the way a few shells were lost, and moss began to take hold in the surfaces and crevices. This winter, Go Go (as she is affectionately known to her grand and great grandchildren) moved into assisted living, and this stone was one of the many treasures I brought home with me. This summer we'll move it to a nice spot in our own garden.

And yes, my foot still fits in the groves perfectly.

Chicken Fried Smiles

2009-04-15T08:45:00.002-04:00

(clearly I am concentrating very hard back there, or I too would be grinning in awe at the plate of fried goodness)

This is Mike. He is my brother. He came over one evening and made us Texas-style Chicken Fried Steaks (and a huge mess in my kitchen, which is easily forgiven when the result is chicken fried steaks), and I made green beans , mashed potatoes and cream gravy, and we all smiled this big. A very good day.

Regularly scheduled programming...

2009-04-13T15:50:00.002-04:00

I hope your Easter weekend's were at least this good.

Starting this week, I'm going to do mostly picture posting for a while, if for no other reason than to break me out of this blogging rut I've been in.
I've missed y'all...

I Believe In Playing Games...

2009-03-24T10:04:00.003-04:00

I've had a rotten week already, and it's only Tuesday. I suppose I could use my weekly blog post to whine, but, I'm trying not to perpetuate the *blah*, you know? So, instead, Yay! Becky gave me something else to talk about!

A game

the rules:
write 5 "beliefs"-- rules you live by -- you are not aloud to get serious or preachy, political or religious! These are just for fun and to see if other people are as quirky as you!

So here goes:

I believe in TiVo.
I believe that recipes are just general guidelines, and that real cooking begins when you improvise.
I believe in shutting the bathroom door.
I believe in sleeping with the windows open whenever possible.
I believe in scratch-made strawberry shortcakes, sweet tea, and Southern Living.

How 'bout you?

Today's Best Hits...

2009-03-17T10:09:00.003-04:00

You guys!

Today--today today hot damn TODAY*--is Matt's last day of class. My boy's mere hours away from completing his degree. Everyone say a small "hallelujah" for us from wherever you are. Tonight, after he turns in his paper, we'll be out celebrating with chicken wangs and his classmates (and everyone else in Knoxville because, naturally, his last night is on St. Patrick's Day, but oh well...).

*paraphrase courtesy of Darren McGavin from "A Christmas Story"

My contribution to our personal celebration? What else, I made a cake.

Yellow cake, chocolate frosting, recipes courtesy of America's Test Kitchen, and oh, my, but it's heavenly. I could use nothing but this frosting for the rest of my life and be happy, it's quick, easy, and completely divine tasting. And because I'm such a pal, I'm posting the recipe. You need a food processor, that's the only caveat. Otherwise, this recipe is perfection.

Foolproof Chocolate Frosting

Makes 3 cups to frost one 9-inch 2-layer cake

20	tablespoons (2 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter , softened (60 to 65 degrees)
1	cup confectioners' sugar (4 ounces)
3/4	cup cocoa powder
	Pinch table salt
3/4	cup light corn syrup
1	teaspoon vanilla extract
8	ounces chocolate , melted and cooled slightly

In food processor, process butter, sugar, cocoa, and salt until smooth, about 30 seconds, scraping sides of bowl as needed. Add corn syrup and vanilla and process until just combined, 5 to 10 seconds. Scrape sides of bowl, then add chocolate and pulse until smooth and creamy, 10 to 15 seconds. Frosting can be used immediately.

______________________________________________________

Beyond frosting, I have another new love this week. Miniature gardens. Tiny little landscapes contained in nothing more that the space your potted geranium used to live. I first discovered these a few years back on Little Landscapes (how much do I love the airstream trailer and it's Christmas lights and tiny pink flamingo?) Then recently, while poking around on Apartment Therapy I found this. *Squee!* And a quick round of googling yeilded even more treasures, some I love like weegarden and Two Green Thumbs, and, yeah, a few that aren't quite my style but may have some useful tips (ahem, Enchanted Gardens, I'm only using you for your accessories). I cannot wait to try this out, y'all. Maybe you don't know this about me but I HEART TINY THINGS. Tiny = adorable, always. And with the acres of new real estate known as my perfect, pergola covered deck and the 20 or so various containers I've amassed already, all I need is spring (and, I suppose, some garden center gift cards/a few extra hours at the bakery, whatever it takes).

So, y'all, what's floatin' your boat this week?

Economic Depression, The Hives, and the Perfect Meal to Turn it all Around

2009-03-10T09:49:00.004-04:00

I hope where ever you are, that your weather was as spectacular as ours this weekend. Despite a dour prediction of mostly cloudy skies to go with our spring temperatures, the clouds parted and the weather was simply gorgeous. Somehow, though, the beautiful day Saturday kinda bummed me out. Not a huge deal, really, it's just that with the fever that accompanies spring, I get excited about all the potential at home--potential projects, gardens, more pimping of the deck, etc--but this year with money being tight and no real end in sight for that situation, well, lots of those projects are going to have to be put aside for a while. I, of course, realize that not having enough money for totally optional home improvements is not nearly as big a deal as, say, not having enough money to actually pay for the house. In that respect we continue to be incredibly fortunate. So I wandered around the yard with Matt as he dug up offending crab grass, basked in the sunshine on my deck with the animals, and fixed a nice simple dinner for Matt and my brother. My bad mood was short lived, and I went to sleep counting my blessings instead of categories in my budget. Still, I know this crappy economic situation is affecting everyone, and I guess I just felt like maybe I should say that, yes, sometimes it gets me down too. I can't be the only one, right?

Matt had other things to worry about this weekend. Shortly after we came inside Saturday evening, he started to itch. By dinner time, he was completely broken out in hives. Angry red blotchy hives. His fingers started to swell. And no amount of calamine lotion and benadryl seemed to help. Sunday was worse. He never really made it out of bed, except for a brief stint on the couch and trips downstairs for more benadryl. His lips and tongue swelled. And I swore that if there was no improvement by Monday, I was going to make him go to the doctor. Monday morning, though still all lumpy and itchy, he *was* getting better. By noon, he had a shower, normal looking lips and hands, and only a few itchy spots left. We still have no idea what caused it, and the best we can figure is that the cold he's been battling all week left his immune system kinda weak, and this is how it reacted. Today he's fine, none the worse for wear, and not a moment too soon. I don't mind taking care of him, and it certainly made for a quiet weekend, but I like it so much better when he's awake and feeling good enough to bug me all day:)

Yesterday was really glorious. Temperatures neared 80, the sun BEAMED all day, the dogs and I went to the park, and the patient recovered. With both of us feeling so much better, so restored, we celebrated in our favorite way--with food. With, to be exact, what I have dubbed The Perfect Spring Meal.

First, a burger. But not any burger. Beautifully lean (93/7) Ground Sirloin (the Dollar General market sells this for $3.50/lb, thank you very much savvy shopping). Mixed with fresh garlic, chopped onion, salt, and pepper, and formed into two whopping half pound pattys. Grilled, topped with pepper jack cheese, thick cut bacon, and fresh sliced avocado. Served on ciabatta rolls I made myself, brushed with olive oil and seared on the grill along side the burgers. For sides, a heaping dish of baked macaroni and cheese, and cool sweet and sour pepper carrot slaw. I never make slaw the same way twice, but this batch was so good, it deserves to be repeated. Finish it off with some pickles and very cold beer. This meal MUST be eaten outside, preferably at sunset on the first really warm day of the year. Ths meal was perfection itself. Exactly the way to celebrate not being sick anymore. Exactly the way to remind yourself that, no matter what you've been feeling lately, things aren't really bad at all.

A couple confessions, only one about food...

2009-03-02T12:25:00.006-05:00

1) I'm simply awful at keeping my fish tank clean.

A few years ago when I brazenly declared I wanted a 20 gallon fish tank for Christmas, I knew what I was getting into. There's a reason Freecycle and Craig's List are overrun with ads for slightly used aquariums--they are frankly a pain in the ass to maintain. But I wanted what I wanted, and I got what I asked for. A few years later and at least 3 total and complete aquarium break-down-and-re-builds later (not to mention countless minor algae blooms), I can say with full confidence,

I. SUCK. AT. THIS.

But, here I am, not yet ready to give up on my aquatic kingdom. So, for about 4 hours on Sunday, I was mired in boggy bucketfuls of brackish water while my 5 tiny fishy friends swam happily in the 2 gallon temporary home on my desk. I drained, I scrubbed, I ruined an old toothbrush and covered my countertop in a faint green slime of algae. Oh, but you guys, now that all is said and done, I can proclaim it all TOTALLY WORHT IT. The tank is gorgeous. It glows, it shines, it bubbles in crystal clear glory. I'm letting it cycle for a few more days so the bacteria colony (a good and necessary bacteria) can re-establish itself before I bring the fish back in, but if their teensy fishy brains can process that much information, I know they're going to be grateful. Spring cleaning continues....

2) I don't ever make brownies from scratch.

Does anyone? I'm sure they do, some of you probably do and I'm sure they are magnificent, but for whatever reason I never deemed it necessary. Mixes are far from perfect, but come on, I've never had a *bad* brownie (except that one time I was in a hurry and forgot to add the eggs, and those weren't that bad, if you like chocolate flavored roof shingles). Cook's Illustrated had a cream cheese brownie recipe I liked about 10 years ago, and they were good, but not so much better than boxed mixes that they warranted making more than a few times, being mildy labor intensive. But for whatever reason I found my last batch of from-a-mix brownies less satisfying some how--too thin, too chewy, just not enough body. Perhaps it's the fault of the inch-thick fudge frosted brownies we make at the bakery, an unfair comparison to make but one that couldn't be helped. I haven't exactly worn myself out looking for a brownie recipe to try though. I guess I needed a bolt of inspiration and just the right day. Well, guess what today turned out to be?

Today, my friends, I have toyed around with a brownie recipe to beat all. A rich, decadent, homemade brownie worthy of the time and effort required to do more than stir and pour a box mix. These are a marbled cream cheese brownie, they make a full 13x9 pan's worth, and with the addition of some yummy cherries they are fancy enough to impress just about anyone. Food of the gods, my friends. The brownie batter is a play on a recipe I found online today. The original got it's chocolate flavor from melted chocolate, I've added a bit of dark chocolate cocoa powder, some salt and vanilla to bring out the flavor, and a bit of instant coffee--a trick I learned at the bakery--to make the flavor even deeper and richer. The cream cheese batter is simply the most basic of cheesecake ingredients. For this recipe I flavored it with a tiny bit of almond because I'm using cherries--they compliment each other really well. If you want to use a different frozen berry (I'd reccomend raspberries, and would have used them if I didn't already have frozen cherries on hand), you can just use vanilla.

Cortney's Cherry Cream Cheese Brownies

1 cup (2 sticks) softened butter
2 pkgs softened cream cheese
2 cups sugar (divided)
1 cup flour
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract (divided)
1/2 tsp almond extract
1/2 tsp salt
5 eggs
1 cup dark chocolate chips
1/4 cup cocoa
2 tsp instant coffee dissolved in 1 Tbsp water
1 bag frozen dark sweet cherries

Pre-heat oven to 35o degrees. Grease a 13x9x2 pan and set aside. In a medium bowl, cream the butter and 1 cup of the sugar until light and fluffy. Add 1 tsp vanilla, the instant coffee, and 3 of the eggs (one at a time, beating well after each addition). Melt the chocolate chips in the microwave, stir until completely melted and slightly cooled, and add to the mixture, beating well. Slowly blend in the flour, salt, and cocoa. This is the brownie portion of the recipe. Set aside.

In another bowl, beat the cream cheese with the remaining cup of sugar, the remaining 2 eggs, and 1/2 tsp each of vanilla and almond extract. This is your cream cheese batter.

Spread about half the chocolate batter on the bottom of your greased pan. The batter will be very stiff, and the layer might seem thin--just be sure to completely cover the bottom of the pan. Pour the cream cheese batter on top of this layer--there should be plenty and it should spread into a nice thick layer. Take a spoon and plop the remaining chocolate batter in large spoonfuls across the cream cheese layer. Using a knife, spread the chocolate into the cream cheese and swirl randomly with the knife blade to achieve a marbled effect. Open the bag of frozen cherries (or raspberries, whatever you're using), and one by one push the cherries into the batter every inch or so. You may not use all the cherries--save the rest, you can cook them down with a little sugar to make a fantastic sauce for these brownies, or ice cream, cheesecake, pound cake, etc. Once the brownies are completely dotted with the frozen fruit, pop the pan in the pre-heated oven and bake at 350 for approximately 1 hour, or until completely puffed and set. I particularly dislike over cooked brownies, so I tested with a skewer in the center of the pan--after 45 minutes the center was still batter-y, after an hour I had a few sticky crumbs. Let the brownies cool COMPLETELY (the hardest part) before you cut and serve. Absorb all the compliments, and email me later to tell me how good they turned out. If they didn't turn out at all, tell your guests it was all my fault and never speak of it again ;) Mine turned out beautifully...

Let's Talk About Food, a Bulletin Point Entry

2009-02-23T12:06:00.002-05:00

It's not spring yet. My house got dirty again far too quickly. I only saw two of the Oscar nominated movies (The Wrestler and Slumdog Millionaire). My job has become a tedious retail job again. None of these things are interesting. Only food has kept my attention lately (and rather unsurprisingly). So let's discuss, shall we? Feel free to comment on any, all, or none of these bullet points...

Last week I decided to do the majority of our grocery shopping from our own pantry and freezer, hoping to save a little space in the budget and rotate some product OUT of storage. The I bought the majority of additional items we needed from Dollar General, getting just bread and some produce from the regular grocery store. I spent a total of $31 for the week. That was pretty fun. What's the least amount you've managed to spend on groceries, or the longest you've been able to stay away from the store?
Today I blew all that off and went back to my regular shopping routine. Still managed to get some great deals and some extra stuff for the freezer. Spent about $80 instead, which I still feel good about. Do you shop with an eye toward future meals when the deals are there, or do you just focus on your immediate needs?
I am having a completely irrational and inexplicable need for French Fries. I have always been somewhat immune to fries, barring the occasional need for a small dollar menu purchase from McD's, but lately I could eat them every day and for every meal. I'm trying to keep it under control. I suppose this happens to everyone. What are your favorite cravings/occasional binge foods?
Valentine's sale candy is better than Christmas sale candy. We can't seem to STOP buying this stuff, though I'm trying very hard to keep the candy consumption to a reasonable, Daisy Bee Bees-conscious level. Easter candy is out now, and it's probably my favorite. Do you have a favorite holiday candy? Conversation hearts? Cadbury eggs? Candy Canes? Etc?
Now that it's back in commission, my oven is being used ALL DAY today. My brother is coming over, it's my day off, and I've been without the ability to bake for too long. All this is combining for the perfect storm. I'm trying out a new ciabatta recipe today (thanks Cook's Illustrated), making twice-baked potatoes, cooking a slow-roasted garlic crusted roast beef, and heating up a blueberry pie for dessert. We're also having Zuchini fritters, but those don't require the oven. What are y'all having for dinner?
Anthony Bourdain is coming to Knoxville April 4th. I don't think we can afford tickets, but I'm trying to devise a way we can make it work anyhow. He's one of the few food guys I would pay just to hear tell stories. Maybe Gordon Ramsey too, but I think that's more because I like his accent. Who would you pay to spend a few hours listening to them talk?
Man vs. Food is a great highway accident of a show. I'm horrified, but I can't look away. Also, I want to go visit every single place they showcase. In honor of the trip to Seattle and the 12 egg omelet, I made Matt his own Chili Cheese Sour Cream Omelet (with only 4 eggs) on Sunday. Anybody else watching this show? Anyone have any over-the-top meal/food stories?
Finally, can someone, somewhere, give me something to talk about other than food? Sooner than later, our wastelines here on Blue Meadow will be eternally grateful...

Hey! Hurley!

2009-02-19T19:27:00.001-05:00

Hey, my Lost watchin' palls, did y'all know Jorge Garcia has a blog?

You do now.

Things, some good, some just okay...

2009-02-17T08:52:00.002-05:00

First, Mmmmm, Pizza.....

Doesn't that look great? You want some, don't you? Beautiful chewy crust--thanks to working at a bakery (free pizza dough just because? OKAY.) No marinara or red sauce of any kind, instead we used pesto. Layered with mushrooms, artichokes, fresh balls of mozzerella, sliced roma tomatoes, and a sprinkling of parmesan. This pizza was awesome. This pizza was celebratory. This pizza broke my oven.

Wait, what?

Well, no, it didn't actually break my oven, but it was the last thing we successfully baked Friday night before the oven gave up and refused to pre-heat the next day. Matt was sure it was somehow his fault. He came home after a half day on Friday so he could surprise me with an early Valentine's day present--he cleaned the house. I mean, he CLEANED the house. The bathrooms, the laundry room, everything in the kitchen (including, ahem, the oven). He did all the waiting laundry, all dried and folded. HE VACUUMED THE STAIRS.
BEST. PRESENT. EVER.
Now, I am sure that, because we were able to make pizza successfully (and such a lovely pizza at that), nothing he did actually *broke* the oven. It turns out the ignitor on the bottom of the oven just gave up and cried uncle, and I believe this has far more to do with the fact that my oven is nearly 10 years old and has been the ultimate work horse in my kitchen than it does that he ran an auto-clean cycle the day before. Anyway, the point being, I don't have a working oven now. We dismantled (or, well, HE dismantled) it Saturday morning after waffles, removed the offending ignitor and headed to the Sears repair and parts shop (ahh, Valentine's Day), where we were informed that they didn't have one in stock, and it would be 5-7 days for a new one to come in the mail (not to mention an extra $13.99 for the shipping, THANKS). So, I am currently without oven. Boo, hiss, etc.

The rest of Valentine's Day consisted of an amazing glass exhibit at the art museum (yes, we are *so*cultured, you're jealous, I know...), a trip to our favorite little store in Knoxville, Emery's 5 & 10, and a re-imagined dinner, since the Beef Wellington I had intended to make wasn't exactly going to work out on the stove-top. I played iron chef with the ingredients, and it all worked out just fine.

So, Sunday, rather than be upset over my oven and all the things I suddenly desperately wanted to bake, we wandered off in search of half-price Valentine's candy, and new curtains. I confess, you guys, we've lived here nearly a year and a half, and I have yet to install curtains in our living room. Even the lovely scarred marks on the wall from the previous occupant's horrible white curtain bars were still there, but we had nice blinds, I'm not a cave person or anything. Still, some how we just never really knew what we wanted there, and everything I thought of trying just felt wrong for the room, somehow. So, when I got some gift certificates to Pier 1, I figured, this was my best shot. A few awesome packages of panels from the clearance bin, redeemed gift certificates, some patching and painting, and rods from, yes, thank you, Big Lots (I am no snob), and we have curtains like real civilized adults. Total out of pocket was around $25. Totally worth it. I love them, the fit right in with the nature-y elements we already have in the room (I'm a sucker for leaves and birds) and really make the other green items we have pop in an otherwise neutral space.

And they made me forget about my oven, for a while...

The bug has bitten...

2009-02-09T13:20:00.002-05:00

My spring fever has manifested in an interesting way this year--an all consuming need to clean.

Shocking, trust me.

Every day I find a new potential project, something beyond the usual mop and sweep. This Saturday, the kitchen was my target. You see, when Matt and I moved in, we decided to use the top of our cabinets as a sort of decorative storage solution. We've got antique silver tea tins and baskets interspersed with pitchers and cake plates, all artfully arranged and quasi-handy, should we need any of them. And, since they hang out in the open air all year round, they need the occasional dust off. LITTLE DID I REALIZE...

When we moved into our house, it had been unoccupied for quite some time, and had been meticulously cleaned before we arrived. Or so I thought. It turns out that the tops of those cabinets were something they missed, intentionally or mistakenly. It never occurred to me to check them before we started sticking our stuff up there. But as I removed it all for cleaning and took a closer look (okay, I was climbing like a monkey on the counter tops), I realized the oversight. You guys. I'm pretty sure no one EVER cleaned the tops of those things. I'll spare you the gory details, but I will say that my efforts to return them to relatively sanitary involved a degreaser, a spackle knife for scraping, and nearly half a roll of paper towels. Seriously upsetting. Seriously squicky.

Anyway, I digress...So we're cleaning. Slowly but surely I'm plotting a course through every room in the house, giving it a nice freshening up in addition to the usual once over with a vacuum and a rag. It's strangely satisfying and compellingly comforting all at once. So, I was just wondering...do you guys have a spring cleaning routine? Any surprises?

Did I talk about snow before?

2009-02-02T13:10:00.004-05:00

Because I was crazy. That wasn't snow, that was just a dusty afternoon.

Yesterday was a glorious 60 degree day, with cloudless blue skies. My husband mowed the lawn. And today, today as I sit here and type, the snow is piling all around me. East Tennessee Weathermen are LOSERS. And when I say this, please do not think I'm sad about this new snowfall. I'm thrilled, mostly because I just *knew* they had it wrong, and got all my errands finished yesterday. Because the predicted rain had only begun slightly as I headed to an appointment this morning (a do-over of an appointment from the 19th that gratefully did not get moved a record 2nd time because of snow), and because the giant flakes of snow the rain morphed into in less than an hour had only just begun to accumulate by the time I headed to Walgreens for my final pass at productivity today. I made it home having only slipped and slid twice coming down the big hill at Campbell Station, driving through the Winter Wonderland that I had forgotten Knoxville had the ability to be. In short, y'all, it's snowing like mad, and I'm loving it.

*Now, my Colorado and Mid-west contingent would find the accumulation we've got so far truly laughable. But it's the most we've seen here in these moderate southern parts for quite some time. The kids are going to go APE.*

So, now that I'm home and warm and safe, I'm spending the day cozily ensconced by the fire, with a stack of library books, hot chocolate, and Chex Mix leftover from Super Bowl Supper. Later there will be spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove top, and a mandatory screening of Groundhog Day, another story of a "blizzard" and a perfect day, and rather appropriate for more than just the calendar date. Today has been good in all the ways that my Friday was not, and I would not mind repeating it.

So, yes, um, sorry...what else is new?

We had a lovely weekend spent largely the way married people spend their weekends, at Lowe's. Actually, only a small part took place at Lowe's, but that place just seems to be such a catalyst for all manner of other things around here. We now have new and improved smoke detectors and a great new combo door stop/door latch on our problematic bathroom door. We bought new birdseed and an great new birdfeeder on clearance, just in time for the storm. We shuffled a dozen more Christmas boxes in the garage and took huge steps in making it functional again. We worked on our February budget, ate pizza, and went to see The Wrestler. We talked and planned and schemed and organized, and all in all felt very productive. It was good. February is off to a nice start.

I wish I had more to say, but beyond the mundane and everyday, beyond the grind of Brinks and the Bakery and school and whatnot, well, we've still only got talk. But Matt and I are figuring things out, and by the time we thaw out over here, and spring arrives and my heart swells with the dogwood blooms, we might have actual plans for our future. So, yes, we've got that going for us. ;)

I'm about to go and start on the second of my library books, "the green book", and I'm wondering if any of you have read it, and if so, what did you think? Was there anything in the book you weren't already doing that it made you decide to do?

Miscellany...

2009-01-27T10:11:00.004-05:00

These days when I have nothing specific to tell are always the toughest to blog about (probably why I'm a day late anyway). It's great when you have news to share and you just can't wait to jump on the computer and let everyone know, but when things are just trucking along as usual, inspiration just doesn't come as easily. So, yeah, it's business as usual 'round these parts. Work, home, dinner, bed, repeat, etc. Don't get me wrong, a routine is very welcome, and there are good things on the horizon I'll be able to talk about soon enough, but for now? Just not that much goin' on, y'all ;)

So, you get snow day pictures.

(proof! snowflakes on my head!)

And, bonus!, a recipe ;) I made these Chocolate Thumbprint cookies (courtesy of Martha Stewart) last week in a fit of glee at being home before dark (two days a week I open at the bakery and get home at 2pm), and they are in fact, dynamite. Slightly labor intensive because of the rolling in sugar and the filling of the thumbprint, but sincerely worth it. Next time you need to take someone a batch of cookies and want them to know how special they are, these are the cookies for you. So good, I might make them again later this week, and definitely a perfect cookie for Valentine's Day!

I will say that some reviews on the website mention that they find these salty--actually, that is the point, the super dark and fudgy cookie and the rich ganache need something to offset them slightly, and if you use coarse salt like kosher salt in the recipe, you get tiny salt grains. Just like with french salted caramels, chocolate covered pretzles, or World Market's Sea Salt chocolate bar, the salt works perfectly with the sweet. And really, I don't think it's at all overpowering, but if you're concerned, use regular table salt and cut the amount in half (as a matter of fact, if you're using table salt anyway, cut the amount in half--the recipe measurement is specifically for coarse salt, and using the same amount of table salt may be why some people think it's too salty in the first place, they are NOT interchangeable at the same quantity!). I will say that I did not get 90 cookies from the recipe, only about half that. Maybe Martha's are smaller, but I felt like mine were a good two-bite size. The ganache recipe Martha gives involves a vanilla bean as well, and I think that's a costly pain, so I changed the recipe a bit (the version below includes my changes) Also, 'cause I'm crazy like that, I used Hershey's Special Dark cocoa powder instead of regular (resulting in a much darker, fudgier cookie), and to match, used Special Dark chocolate chips to make the ganache. *sigh* All this talking about them has made me miss them even more...

Chocolate Thumbprints

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup plus 1 tablespoon unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
2 teaspoons coarse salt
8 ounces (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
1 1/3 cups sugar, plus more for rolling
2 large egg yolks
2 tablespoons heavy cream
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
Chocolate Ganache (recipe follows)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Sift flour, cocoa powder, and salt into a small bowl. Cream butter and sugar with a mixer until pale and fluffy. Reduce speed to medium, and add yolks, cream, and vanilla. Scrape sides of bowl. Beat in flour mixture until just combined.
Roll balls using 2 teaspoons dough for each, and roll each in sugar. Place 1 inch apart on parchment-lined baking sheets. With the handle of a wooden spoon, press gently in the center of each to create an indentation. Bake, rotating sheets halfway through, until cookies are just set, about 10 minutes. (If indentations lose definition, press centers again.) Let cool slightly on baking sheets. Transfer cookies to wire racks, and let cool.
Spoon warm ganache into center of each cookie. Let stand until firm, about 15 minutes. Cookies will keep, covered, for up to 3 days.

Chocolate Ganache

1/3 cup honey
1/3 cup heavy cream
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
1 ounce (2 tablespoons) unsalted butter, cut into pieces and softened

Combine honey, cream, and vanilla in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Bring to a simmer, and cook, stirring until honey dissolves. Keep warm over very low heat.
Place chocolate in a food processor. Pour cream mixture over chocolate, and let stand for 1 minute. Process until smooth. Add butter, and continue to process, scraping down sides occasionally, until butter is incorporated. Let cool slightly, and then use immediately.

Hope you guys try them and love them as much as Matt and I did! I'll see you back here next week. I'll be sure we have something new to discuss ;)

**Almost forgot, a new cake from this weekend is up at the cake blog, be sure to check it out!**

Take that, Daisy Bee Bees!

2009-01-19T09:45:00.003-05:00

Y'all, I just *knew* today was going to be a good day.

After a lovely weekend that included dinner with The Wileys, finally getting all the dregs of Christmas put away, a Sunday afternoon matinee of Slumdog Millionaire, and Friedchickenriceandgravy (my favorite meal I hardly ever have), I had an early morning scheduled today. I had an appointment at my endocrinologist at 8 bloody AM. Early, but considering I clock into work at 6 two days a week now, not ridiculous, even for my day off.

Today was a re-scheduling of my December appointment, since I was working Mondays in December and couldn't make it. A month overdue, today was the day I get my new A1c. I had my fingers crossed that, thanks to my very careful control, my new walking in the park ritual, and all that other jazz, I could at least have a number in the 6 point something range. That was the goal, that was the hope.

Apparently, I have low expectations. This is good.

My A1c was actually 5.7. FIVE POINT SEVEN, y'all. This puts me BELOW normal diabetic range. This means my official diagnosis and all my medical records now read "Type II diabetes, CONTROLLED". You guys have no idea the happy dance I was doing inside. You have no idea the implications of this for me, for Matt, for everything. I'm positively overjoyed.

And, as I walked out to my car, it began to snow.

It's still early, but it's shaping up to be a heck of a day.

Confessions of a Late Bloomer...

2009-01-12T09:29:00.002-05:00

No, not that kind, actually.

You see, I'm a little late on a bit of landscaping. A couple of months, actually. After our rousing success tilling up and mulching the beds around the house, Matt and I celebrated by buying several huge containers of bulbs--crocus, daffodils, and tulips--to fill up the vacant beds so that come spring, we'd have something pretty to look at until we could start filling in with permanent landscaping plants.

And, then I got fired. And then I got hired. And then it was Thanksgiving, and Christmas. And, well, since then, nearly every day I've had free has been a rain drenched adventure. I'm not just making excuses, I swear, Knoxville is approximately 3-4 inches *ahead* on scheduled rainfall for the year. Now, I'm told by a few experts (read:my mother and aunt who are also guilty of not getting their bulbs in on time) that I can still plant these suckers, and considering how mild November and December had been, the cold garage I've been storing them in hasn't been that much different than our semi-soggy ground around the house. They'll come up, just, well, maybe a bit off schedule. Like, say, Daffodils in late March instead of late February, and Tulips all the way to May. I can't say this bothers me too much, this late blooming schedule--maybe I don't get the satisfaction of pretty yellow flowers in February (I'll plant pansies and get over it), but I also don't risk as much getting nipped when March turns ugly (like I *know* you will, March, do you hear me!?) and I get to have them longer into the season. The only trick here is, um, I pretty much have to plant them TODAY. You've heard of making hay while the sun shines? Well, today it's sunny, and a high of 50, and I'm off work--that pretty much translates to a mandate to plant bulbs. And now, since I've put this story on the internet for all to read and hold me accountable for, I've pretty much forced myself into it. Today's the day. I'm going to bundle up, get out my trusty little shovel and a bag full of bulbs, and get to planting.

In other, slightly less demanding news, I did use some time this weekend (while it poured rain, naturally) to get the cake blog up and running. It's full of cakes and basically up to date, and although I guarantee some tweaking with layout and colors and such to come, I think it's good enough to go ahead and link to. So yes, now feel free to check out Cortney Bakes Cakes . I don't believe there's much there any of you haven't seen before, but it will be nice to have to point potential clients to, a sort of online cake resume ;)

Hope you all have a wonderful week ahead of you, I'm off to throw in a load of laundry and wait for it to warm up outside a bit. I've got bulbs to plant!

A day late (and a dollar short?)...

2009-01-06T19:51:00.003-05:00

...on the weekly update, but yesterday was a busy day.

Matt and I are gutting the Christmas Decoration Collection, along with most of the garage, and yesterday it was just all. too. much. But today, back at work and with a few spare moments to myself, I'm here and ready to blog.

There are a couple of exciting things in the works (though KatieKate has me beat on big news, congrats Mulders!) that have me all happy today. On the hobby-that-one-day-may-help-pay-bills front, I've finally got all the materials I need to get my crafty mojo working, and as soon as I have dabbled some more and have viable pictures, I'll let you guys in on it all. But suffice it to say I'm very excited and hope this new little venture blossoms appropriately. Etsy look out!

On the hobby-turned-job-that-is-*currently*-helping-pay-bills front, I got some exciting news at work today, and it looks like I will indeed be training next week as the 'second' decorator at the bakery. I'll still be pulling front of house duties for a while, still scooping cookie dough and ringing up sales, but discussion of ramping up the cake portion of our business in the future all sounded perfectly dreamy. There was even talk of an up-front decorators "nook" to replace the tiny decorators space we currently have in back, with windows so everyone who comes in can watch in awe as Dorothy and I create our tasty masterpieces. It's still all very tentative, so I'm not going to get my knickers in a bunch just yet, but the prospects are rosy.

Finally, I've got the bones of a blog devoted to my cakes up and running, and hopefully will have that fleshed out in a week or two. Thanks to you all, my bloggy buddies, for the suggestion! When I decided to take cake decorating classes I never would have dreamed that a few short tumultuous years later I'd be looking to make it my profession, but I have to admit that I'm thrilled with all the new prospects my little "hobby" has presented me with. Keep your fingers crossed for me and I'll be back to keep you posted ;)

A shiny clean slate...

2009-01-01T16:20:00.002-05:00

I usually love New Years. The ending of it all appeals to my reflective side, and the prospect of new beginnings plays beautifully to the cautious optimist in me. This year finds me in new territory, though, in a strange world where I have no earthly idea what lies ahead, and none of my usual standby comforts to reassure me. I'll admit, y'all, that was freaking me out a bit last night as Matt and I quietly welcomed in 2009. In the light of day, after a lovely walk, and some quiet time in the kitchen, I'm feeling more and more like my old self. The me that's ready to roll with whatever 2009 is going to throw my way, safety nets be damned. Feels good, y'all. It feels good.

So, with that in mind, I've been mulling over some goals. Resolutions never interested me, they seem custom made to be broken, but having goals? That's something I can deal with. So without further ado...

Goals for 2009 (in no particular order):

1) Clean up my language.
You guys. You have no idea how bad I am at this. Sincerely, I may write happy family friendly entries here in Blogland, but in real life I would not want your kiddos spending the afternoon in my company, lest they pickup some colorful new phrases. Somehow I've let my occasionally-foul mouth overtake my otherwise broad vocabulary, and it's bumming me out. My mother (and everyone's mother) is right, it's impossible to sound like an educated lady with a dirty mouth. Now please don't get me wrong, I love a good cussin'. But to lessen the impact of such wonderfully effective words by overuse? Well, y'all, that's just a damn shame.

2) Be a more, ahem, gentle driver.
Something about being behind the wheel makes me a tad...aggressive. Whether I'm running behind or not, I have a tendency to drive like I'm twenty minutes late. I'm annoyed by all my fellow motorists. I'm impatient at lights. And I have to be in a really generous karmic mood to let someone in line if I think it's their own dumb fault they wound up in the wrong lane in the first place. But lately I've been wondering...why? Why be in such a rush, and why not be more generous? It seems correctable, and good for my soul as well as my blood pressure. So, even if you're being a jerk out on the highway, I'm going to try my darnedest not to be a jerk back, to take my time, and in general mellow out behind the wheel. Please understand this is a genetic disorder I have (thanks, DAD), and it's going to take some serious effort on my part to correct ;)

3) Make the best use of my time.
With my old job, I had a lot of free time around the house. A LOT. Things that needed to get done always got done, but at the leisurely pace I deemed fit. Now with trotting off to work each day, my time at the house has suddenly become very valuable, and I'm not particularly good at multi-tasking outside of work. So my goal is to make the time I do have really count. Multiple irons in the fire, that sort of thing.

And finally...4) Find my niche.
It's there, I know it is. And I've almost got it. I've almost figured it out. There's some baking/painting/cake decorating crafting trinity out there just waiting for me, and I'm going to find it, and I'm going to get great at it, and I'm going to make it my future, some how. And I'm giving myself a whole year to do it. I think that's fair.

I'm looking forward to routine again. Now that the dust has settled, I'm looking forward to remodeling my life. To make my every day be exactly the day I chose, to make lemonade from every lemon I'm handed. To be happier, healthier, and wiser. I'm making this a promise to myself. My promise to you is that I'll be back here every Monday to write about it. We'll talk then...

Hello, stranger!

2008-12-30T21:48:00.002-05:00

Oh. Hi! Are you still here? Dang, guys, it's been
AGES. What loyal friends you are!

First, let me just say that getting a new job at a bakery right before the holidays is a BAD PLAN if you actually want to participate in said holidays. So, I didn't get out any cards and I didn't really bake and cookies of my own and the lights never were what they should have been and all in all the whole holiday season felt like it passed both Matt and I by. But we had a wonderful Christmas none the less, and we recognize that this year's celebration was, well, it's own kind of thing, and there will be many more holidays to come for us to celebrate in all the ways we wished we had time for this year.

Those last few days at the bakery before Christmas were best described as controlled chaos, and I wound up getting in many more hours than I expected, and even charmed my way into decorating a few cakes, just to help out. WHICH WAS AWESOME. Even our very stoic boss had some nice things to say. Everyone at the bakery is enjoying a well deserved week off, we won't be back until January 6th, and I think that when we all DO go back, I'll have earned myself some time apprenticing with our decorator, Dorothy. All good things, gang, all good things...

Christmas itself was just as chaotic, we traveled to Weaverville on Christmas Eve to be with my family and then immediately back to K-town on Christmas Day to spend the evening with Matt's parents, and didn't even get to open our presents from each other until late Christmas Night. It was a very toned down Christmas, highly uncharacteristic in my family, but the reserved nature of it all was pretty refreshing. It felt right to celebrate that way, considering the kind of year 2008 has been for all of us. I hadn't realized how much I missed Christmas in Weaverville last year, so it was nice to do that again. And after hosting Thanksgiving, it was nice not to cook either big meal ;). Christmas Eve dinner was Beef Rouladen, a Hammontree family classic, with rosemary polenta. For dessert we had my mom's pound cake with mine and my brother's favorite holiday contribution, peppermint ice cream with Magic Shell. My dad rocked his usual Christmas morning breakfast--my dad OWNS breakfast--and Matt and I swore we'd never eat again. Back in Knoxville Matt's mom stuffed us full of ham and sweet potatoes and Matt's favorite broccoli rice and cornbread dressing, and we swore to never eat again AGAIN--that is, until the rum cake and egg nog. Oh, holiday indulgences.

Friday we claimed just for ourselves. We hit our traditional holiday decoration sales, had some snacks, visited friends, and in general reveled in the idea that for one sweet day we had nowhere to be at any given moment. We'd almost forgotten what that is like. Take my word for it, if you haven't done it in awhile--it's glorious. As is so often true of pure joy like that, it was short lived.

On Saturday, it was back to our adult responsibilities--on Saturday, we moved my mother's mother, Vi (known to all us grandkids as GoGo) into an assisted living facility. Matt and Mike and I met up with my parents, my aunt Martha, and my uncle Tom's family in Nashville to help move the few things GoGo's taking with her, and to sort through all the rest. It wasn't that there was anything of monetary value for us all to divy up, but there were tons of little things with tremendous sentimental value, and we all just wanted to make sure we all got to hold on to things that were important to us. Silver serving pieces. Copper cannisters from the kitchen. The little crystals. The Owl Cookie Jar. The printer's box full of tiny ceramic animals. They all got packed into the car with me, and unpacked here, in my home. It was all a little strange, and even unsettling at times, but it wound up being sort of a cleansing feeling, and good for everyone. Cathartic, even. Lots of sighing.

So, now I'm back and I have some days to relax and reboot. Much needed days. The dogs and I have been for walks again, and I finally got to take them to an overdue vet appointment. I rescheduled some doctor appointments. I'm hoping to get in for a haircut this week. My house will be clean soon. Maybe I'll even get the bulbs planted in the garden *before* they're supposed to bloom. Working to get back to that happy place of routine, where I feel as though my life ticks along like clockwork, rather than coming at me in bursts. Here's hoping.

There's a New Year/Old Year reflection post in the works for Thursday, which will include the few resolutions I have for 2009. One of those is to post on a regular schedule ;) Man, I've missed you guys. I'll see you all then...

A holiday greeting, from the rushed, harried, but happy to celebrate Halls!

2008-12-23T20:52:00.000-05:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

No Lights for You!

2008-12-09T20:49:00.003-05:00

So...the lights.

We're having, um, electrical issues. It turns out that all our exterior outlets (including everything in the garage) are all on the same circuit. Too many lights plugged into one circuit = kicking a breaker every time the fridge in the garage cuts on. Yeah. So, we're working on it. Hopefully we'll have all our *issues* fixed this week, and I'll be able to dazzle you all with my sparkly house once again.

So, in lieu of lights, you get cakes.

I've been a busy little cake decorator lately. I finished my last class on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, and I'm so excited about all the fun stuff I learned. Fondant and gumpaste are a blast, who knew? So for my final I put all my new found knowledge to use, and made a little fondant covered square cake, with drapery and gumpaste flowers all in fall colors, with some copper colored luster dust and little fondant acorns I made with my own little hands. If that sounds like Greek to you, well, it should, no one should have this much useless cake knowledge, but (to borrow a line from Yukon Cornelieus) lookie what I can do!

So, after my triumphs with cakes for class, I jumped head first into a few paid cakes. Because I'm crazy like that. My aunt was catering a Casino-themed party this weekend, and asked for my help. The result? My first real paid cake, and boy did it feel good to deliver (and, let's be honest, to cash the check ;) )

Finally, to round out my weekend, as I was delivering the casino cake I was handed another order, for a rush sheet cake to feed 100 at a 25th anniversary celebration for an accounting firm in town. OKAY. Can do! The finished cake was wheeled out with lit sparklers I provided for them, but I don't have any pictures of that, unfortunately. I'm thrilled with how it came out, though, and just hope it was as much of a hit at the luncheon.

All in all, not a bad way to spend a few days, and make a little extra cash for Christmas. Y'all, I think I could get used to this gig . . . ;)

Totally Awesome and Specifcally for Katie:

2008-12-05T09:01:00.002-05:00

Yes, yes, I will do an actual real post soon, even some Christmas lights, I swear. Not working from home takes a toll on ye olde Bloge . But anyway, for now, I give you:

Austenbook

Baked good and other epiphanies...

2008-11-22T15:16:00.002-05:00

So, the job!

I got a job, currently part time hours, at a little local bakery. Because I cannot predict the future and because I am wary of being googled and one day getting dooced, I'm not really going to name it, but it's a cute little joint and is very close to our house. So far, I'm having a good time. It smells amazing, the work is not hard, and I like all my coworkers a lot. I wear an apron and plate cookies and scones and bag fresh bread. My first day I had to wear a hair net, but generous spraying with a gigantic can of Rave Freeze n' Hold has taken care of that. All in all, it's a great way to spend a few hours a day and get paid to scoop cookie dough and stack layer cakes, all things I would probably be doing at home anyway ;)

I'm not helping with any baking, and that's fine with me. I've been told that when it slows down after the holidays they might bring me in back to the kitchen to learn a few things, and that will be cool too, but I've decided it's not really a priority. I'm also not decorating cakes--they have a full time decorator, and she does lovely work. I'm on deck to write names on cakes after she leaves in the afternoon, should anyone come in and buy a blank they need "happy birthday" written on, but so far that hasn't happened :) I do think, though, that when the slow down happens, they'll let her show me a few things and I might eventually end up doing some decorating just to take some of the load off of her, and to be honest I'd rather do that than bake. So, yeah, right now I'm just learning the ropes, but there are a few opportunities for more interesting stuff in the future.

What I have figured out, just a week in, is that I don't want to do this forever. And by this, I mean go out into the world to work. I've worked for 10 years at home, and now it's only taken a week for me on the outside to figure out that home is where I want to be. The hardest part of my day is getting in the car and driving off from my little house, somehow I feel like I'm abandoning my family, my responsibilities at home, even though logically I know that I'm doing what I'm doing *for* my family and my home. This job makes sense for us now, but one day it won't just be Matt and I, and if it's this hard for me to leave for the afternoon, I can't imagine leaving more than just the puppy dogs behind one day. So, I'm still thinking. I'm still brainstorming. I'm still planning. And I've got some ideas.

My calendar filled up rather quickly, and I don't really think I'll be able to get an etsy shop going before the holidays (though thanks to all you who were excited to support that effort, you guys are the best). But in the new year? I've got all kinds of ideas bubbling up, and by then I think I'll be able to start in with some really fun stuff. And I just know you guys will love it. Etsy is where I plan to start, but it's only the beginning. One day, I want to say that I spend all my days at home, cranking out the arts and crafts, stocking local shops with my things, and planning for a few craft shows here and there. I believe I can do it, if I can just bring these ideas to fruition. I've got a goal now, I've found the drive I needed. Wish me luck, and don't forget about this come January. I can't wait to show you all what I can do!

Next Thursday ;)

2008-11-20T10:48:00.003-05:00

I'm almost done with my first week at the new job, and I'll post about that this weekend. But today, before I toddle off to work, I've been thinking quite a bit about Thanksgiving. Food is such a huge part of family traditions, and my life in general, that I'm insanely curious about what other people eat. Almost everyone serves the same basic menu on Thanksgiving, but every family has a traditional dish that *isn't* sweet potatoes or stuffing or cranberry sauce. From Matt's family we get our Broccoli Rice Casserole, and Mom and I love Brussel Sprouts. So, my question to you all is, what *else* are you having on Turkey Day? And if you're not having turkey, tell me about that too!

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We had a laminated copy of this Norman Rockwell painting in my art room in High School. I've stared at this painting a million times, and always wondered what this guy in the corner was up to.

2008-11-17T08:43:00.002-05:00

Enjoy some pumpkin cake truffles, just because. It's almost Thanksgiving! Anyway...

Thanks for all your help on the Christmas lights post, you guys! We've talked and made drawings and planned and I think we know what we're doing this year, but I won't elaborate so that it can be a surprise. We would have started this weekend, but super cold and rainy is just NOT my favorite weather for Christmas Lights...

Instead we decided to be super productive, which, let's face it, is rare for us. We can be productive, but honestly, it comes in spurts, and goes just as easily. The fact that we're on an insanely strict budgeting system helps with this productivity, as we've denied ourselves the cash we would usually spend on a weekend at the movies, out to eat, or shopping at Lowe's with the other married people. Having none of those options, and being too nasty outside for lighting work, we turned our productivity inward.

We cleaned out the spare room.

You guys. We have not done a thing to that room since we moved in this house, over a year ago. It was a Poltergeist room. You know, in the movie, where the little girl's room is just massive chaos and things flying around and the family just kept the door shut all the time? That's what I'm talking about. We referred to this room as "Matt's office", a complete and total joke that we repeated in all sincerity because, after all, there WAS a desk in there, and Matt's computer, and I often sent him in there to work or mess around on the internet with little to no shame--I am a cruel wife. My "office" is nice and shiny and usually clean and has couches and a TV and two walls of windows, and my husband was performing the same tasks in the Poltergeist room, filled with unpacked moving boxes and leftover detritus and all the crap we tossed in there when we didn't know where to put it and the garage was already too full.

So, we gutted that room. We took everything out, we cleaned, (we even paused to buy a new vacuum cleaner belt) and vacuumed the whole shebang, including the closet, before putting anything back. We mercilessly tossed out LOADS of crap, we took a truck full to Goodwill, and we organized the rest. You can walk in there, y'all. There is a beautiful area rug covering the hated stained carpet, and you can SEE it. You can see corners. You can get to the desk without damaging your ankles. WE HUNG PICTURES. YOU CAN USE THE CLOSET. Oh, my. Talk about satisfaction. Every time I go by that room now, I run in, stand in the middle, and spin. Because I can.

So, yes, productivity in the face of budgetary restrictions is good. Very Good. I should mention this to the Federal Government, maybe they don't realize what an opportunity lays before them...

Now, it's Monday, and I'm doing my new Monday routine. Send The Boy off to work full of oatmeal and scrambled eggs. Do some cleaning, some laundry, make the weekly meal plan and shop for groceries. Get it all set, all done, all perfect. Because tomorrow? Tomorrow I start my new job.

My New Job.

More on that later this week ;)

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OH, and also, please go visit my friend Katie's lovely shop, Texas North, as newly featured are the Market Bags she and I collaborated on (collaborated? Well, I drew the animals!) Today the lamb is my favorite. Tomorrow, the donkey, and so on. I'm fickle like that.
Fantastic job Katie, they look great!

It's that time again...

2008-11-13T10:15:00.001-05:00

...And I need your help. (and no fussing about how it's too early--if you had this much to do, you'd start early too.)

This is our house last year at Christmas.
This is what we did on basically short notice. Now, granted, that's more than some people do, well, ever, but not us. We're Christmas Light People. We've been to a *convention*. It's a big deal. So, this year, we want to do more. In fact, this year, we want to use up as much of our insane stockpile of decorations, mostly so we can get rid of the rest and finally walk in our garage again. So, I need ideas, bloggy friends o'mine. The only things in this original display that are non-negotiable are Santa and the sleigh, and the lights around the garage. Everything else is interchangeable. We are planning on getting icicles on the top level this year (we have to hire a contractor to install hooks, don't ask...). We have every color light strand available--orange, pink, purple, red, blue, green, gold, multi, white, and chasers. Anything in that yard can be covered in any of those combinations. We have garland, we have ribbon, we wreaths, both lit and unlit, we have candy canes that light up and snowflakes and inflatables in every size and shape. Tell me, darlings, if this were *your* blank canvass and you didn't have to pay the electric bill, what would *you* do?? More pictures here, if you need a refresher. Clearly, I need no help with the interior ;) And if I can find pictures of what we used to do to Matt's house in our hay days, I'll post those as well. Just so you know what you're dealing with.

My only political post, then it's back to business as usual...

2008-11-06T08:48:00.002-05:00

As you all are well aware, I have not used this blog as a forum for my politics. I do that elsewhere (often in the form of screaming obscenities at my TV). This blog is not about all of my life, there are things I choose to share here and things I choose to keep separate. But just because I do not discuss my political beliefs here does not mean that I'm not passionate about them, and for me, this was the most dramatic election of my life, and one I am proud to have been a part of. And I know that I would regret not addressing that, even a tiny bit, here somehow.

Plenty of people have blogged about this election, and most more eloquently than I could have. What touches me most are the feelings about how this moment in our history will affect our children, and the sentiments about bridging the divide from becoming Red and Blue to being AMERICANS. So here's a few words from a few of the bloggers I read daily. I couldn't have said it better.

From Mighty Girl:
"I was touched by Senator McCain’s concession speech last night. For too long, our politicians have been focused on winning at any cost, even at the expense of the very ideals that inspired them to lead. McCain’s grace and humility in the face of defeat was a reminder that winning can’t confer honor, and defeat needn’t diminish us.
...
To my fellow U.S. citizens, however you voted, I know you only want the best for your family, and for your country. And no matter what your political affiliation, you and I are still on the same team.

Go America."

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From Our Name is Blog's Lorrie Veasy, in a letter to her children:

"This is a happy day on so many levels. It is a day I feel like I could hug complete strangers. It is a day I believe that the electorial system in our country actually can serve the people--if the people turn out. It is a day when I am happy for all people of color-especially those whose ancestors built this country on the backs of their slave labor. It is a day ripe with HOPE. It is a day when many of us got in line behind a good man who promised us that together we could create change.

I celebrate this day because I think this man will help make this world a better place for YOU. I hope when you read this note that there is peace, and polar bears, universal health care, and that Uncle Robert got to marry his boyfriend."

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And from Dooce, in her montly newsletter to her daughter, Leta:

"I wanted to talk to you about what happened last night, how your father and I and millions of other people across the country helped elect the first African American president. Leta, you are so lucky to have been born in an era where this is possible, in a time where generations have come together to stop the sick cycle of bigotry that has been passed down from fathers to sons, mothers to daughters, where we have finally stood up and said, enough, we are more civilized than all of that. I have never been more proud to be an American than I am today, and when you are old enough to understand the significance of this election, when years from now you ask me where I was when I found out that Barack Obama had won, I'll tell you that while there were millions of people dancing in the streets and gathered at parties, thousands more across the world chanting in impromptu parades, I was sitting on the couch next to your father, our fingers intertwined, the two of us alone with the dogs asleep at our feet. The television was an eruption of noise and chaos, but we sat there quietly absorbing the moment, worried that if we blinked we'd wake up out of a dream.

There have been moments today when I haven't believed it, have worried that I imagined everything. Having grown up in the South I didn't ever think this could happen, not when I and so many of my peers had so much indoctrination to overcome, years of being intentionally and sometimes unintentionally taught by seemingly well-meaning superiors that the color of your skin makes you different. And yet, while this election is a firm rejection of that kind of thinking, it's also about how this man brought so many people together and inspired us by his example to focus not on bickering or hurt feelings or the vast divide of our differences, but on rolling up our sleeves and looking for a way to bridge that chasm. And Leta, I finally feel like we may have the momentum to change and fix so much of what has gone wrong — from economics to the environment, to health care and humanitarian disasters — that instead of leaving your generation with a burden almost impossible to climb, there is hope that we may in fact leave you with a world that is better than the one you were born into. I know I am not alone when I say that my vote in this election was as much for his vision as it was for you and your future."

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And, from me. Now that all is said and done, I want to work with you, not against you. I want our lives to be better, not just mine. I want us ALL to participate in the next four years, not to just throw up our hands and say our part is done, post-election. He's not my president! Don't blame me! That was wrong to say in the past 8 years, and it would be wrong to do now. I know many of you do not believe in our new President Elect. But I do, and if you'll indulge me, listen to me when I ask you to give him a chance to show you why we've made the right choice. Let's all put aside the attacks and hurt feelings and blame and let's meet back in four years, and look over it all objectively and see if we can't say, "You know, we really are better off today, the world is becoming a better place."

I promise to bake you a pretty cake and not to say "I told you so."

A Sneak Peek...

2008-11-04T14:26:00.003-05:00

I'm having a really great time painting this afternoon--it's been so long, I wasn't sure I still knew what I was doing ;)

I've decided to play around with a series of mini-paintings, acrylic on small (6x8) canvass boards. I've always loved to do small work, much to the chagrin of my professors in college, and now that I'm free of their criticism, miniatures it is! Besides, they're *in*, or didn't you know? Since you guys are my devoted following, you get to see what I've been up to today:

Be gentle, dear friends, it's been a while...

Attempted Normalcy...

2008-11-03T12:25:00.006-05:00

After the overall insanity of the past two weeks, I'm trying my best to get into some form of a routine, though that's proving to be a bit of a challenge. *sigh* I guess that's going to be the routine for a while, actually, the utter LACK of one. Oh well. Such is my life, and I'm learning slowly but surely just to deal with it.

Halloween was a lovely distraction. Matt and I attended our annual cul-de-sac pot luck Friday afternoon. I brought Halloween cake truffles and we snacked on potato soup and chili while the neighborhood kids ran around in a sugar-anticipatory frenzy, waiting for the signal to start trick or treating. Advance notice this year coupled with plenty of free time on my part=a bang up effort spooking up the house with decorations. I'm getting soft in my old age and wanted the decorations to be creepy but not too scary. I think we achieved that, only a few details were really scary, and only one little one was to timid to come up the steps. The adults seemed to really love what we did, and more than one person said we had the best looking house in the neighborhood. Matt and I hung out on the porch handing out candy till about 8:30, when we finally packed it in for the evening, and retired to the living room with veggie pizza, a fire, and "Son of Frankenstein". All in all a very successful holiday. :)

With no job to speak of at the moment, I've been trying use this extra time to get several projects well off the ground. Yesterday I spent the afternoon tilling the new flower beds all around the house, and today I'm only slightly sore ;) Also this week I've been in hot pursuit of a position in a bakery, and on Wednesday I start another class specializing in gum paste flowers for cakes, a nice boost to my 'cake resume'. Hopefully I'll hear something from the bakery soon one way or another. This morning the dogs and I went for our usual walk in the park and while the light was so lovely I took a ton of pictures. I'm planning on starting some paintings from these and getting my etsy shop off the ground in a few weeks. So, even though the days are suddenly a lot more open, I'm still keeping quite busy! Keep your fingers crossed that all this buzz turns into some income opportunities soon!

Because you love me anyway...

2008-10-27T08:32:00.003-04:00

It's taken me a week exactly to be able to write this post, and even as I type it I feel a little nauseated, but you guys are my friends and this blog is about my life, and last week something very big and very bad happened in my life.

Last Monday, I was fired.

Technically, the sales group I work for/with was fired. This had nothing to do with performance, it's half crappy economy and half office politics, but honestly, that it's not my fault doesn't go a long way towards making me feel any better. And boy, could I use something to make me feel better.

The truth is, I've never been fired before. Anytime I've ever left any job, it was to move on to something new and improved, and now to find myself slipping backward is, frankly, demoralizing. I feel sad. I feel ashamed. I feel burdened.

I have a beautiful home--yesterday, in fact, was the anniversary of our closing--and all it represents to me now is the one thing that we MUST keep afloat. I have a fantastic new pergola, thanks to the extreme generosity of my in-laws, and I can't enjoy it. There are reliable cars in the driveway--necessities that wrack me with guilt, because without help, we can't keep them. It's been a rough week, y'all.

So, that's the bad news. Let's discuss the good, and quickly, before I start crying again.
We have savings--enough to continue to pay the mortgage for months and months and months. I'm still being paid through December, and thanks to the fact that Matt and I live on a very detailed budget that can be tightened at a moments notice, we can stretch those paychecks for another 4 months. We have no debt beyond the house. Thank you Mom and Dad, thank you Dave Ramsey, thank you everyone that ever taught us anything about money. Matt's job is very secure, his college is paid for, and we both have health insurance thanks to Brinks. We haven't "lost" anything other than a job, and that in itself is an amazing blessing. We will be fine. We won't be going out to eat any time soon, and Christmas presents will be homemade this year, but we will be fine. Most importantly, we have people willing to help us, and while it cuts my very prideful soul to the bone to accept, it's offered out of love. That, too, is an amazing blessing.

So, now the further question is--what exactly am *I* going to do?

Well, I'm not going to waste my chance. While I have loved my job, loved the opportunities and freedoms it afforded me, it has kept me from ever being serious about another career. I was never looking to cash in my comfort to pursue something I really loved more, and now that comfortable spot is gone, and I feel as though it would be ungrateful of me somehow not to try to do something...more me. This means a lot of different things. It means I'm going to start doing catering jobs with my aunt. It means I'm going get serious about cake decorating and baking, and take any and every job I can get, even if it scares me to put myself out there. It means I'm going to start painting again (!) and open up an etsy shop. It means you might see ads on this blog. It means I'm never going to sleep again, because my mind is in full brainstorm mode, and I can't shut it off. It means that if you have any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions, I'm all ears. It means I don't ever want to go work in an office for someone else again.

If I have to get a part time job to keep the money flowing, I will. Of course I will. But if there's a chance, even the tiniest glimmer that I can do one of these things, any of these things, ALL of these things and keep our family going, I want to give that chance everything I've got.

So, yeah, those are my plans. We'll see how it goes.

I will add that the very first thing Matt and I did once the dust had settled Monday, was go vote. In a time when I felt so completely afraid, and so totally powerless, the most positive way I could think of to take some control back for myself was the power of my VOTE. Of my Voice. Of my Choice. I will never forget the vote I cast or the significance of that day for me, for my family, for my own personal history. I made that day about something bigger than my job, and hopefully my vote will make the fact that I lost my job that day nothing more than irony.

I voted. And that made me feel better.

A bit about the Bee Bees...

2008-10-09T15:03:00.003-04:00

So, let's move on from my last post to happier subjects--let's talk about my disease!

No, seriously, that's a much happier subject, because things have been going quite well. It occurred to me, though, that I talk about the DaisyBeeBees here without giving much thought as to how much or how little we all know about it, really. And in the forums and blogs that I've started reading since being diagnosed, there are dozens of posts grumbling about how family and friends don't really understand the disease and what it's like to have it and what it means and what they can do and on and on and on....
Well, you all are my friends, my family, and though I don't recall having any trouble from any of you concerning my disease and how I'm managing it, I thought a little education wouldn't hurt, just to be clear. So, yes, here's a bit about the Bee Bees...

Sugar Is Not the Issue

Well, actually, let me rephrase. Because *blood* sugar is the issue. But the sugar I ingest? That's not the problem. Diabetes doesn't mean I can't have sugar, it doesn't mean I'm allergic to sugar, it doesn't mean if you see me eat a piece of cake you should tackle me and pry open my mouth like I do to the dogs when they eat my kleenex. Sugar is a carbohydrate, and diabetics react to all carbohydrates the same way. ALL THE SAME. So, for me, BeeBees-wise, there is no difference between a piece of candy, bread, some pasta, or a slice of cake that all have the same number of carbs. Most diabetics aren't on a no-sugar diet, they are on a lower-carb diet. And, yes, it drives most diabetics crazy to be asked, "Should you be eating that?" I can promise you that no one ever "forgets" they have diabetes. I think about it a million times a day. If I'm eating something, you can bet I know how it will affect my blood glucose, and I'm okay with putting it in my mouth.

The Numbers Game

Once you become diabetic, your entire life becomes about numbers. Type 1 or Type 2? Blood Glucose level? A1C? How many miligrams? How many times a day? How many shots? It's complete number over load.

Type 1 used to be called juvenile diabetes, but since it's not really just a children's disease, we got the number designation. Type 1 diabetics don't produce insulin to help them convert glucose for the body to use as fuel. They have to inject (or pump) insulin into their bodies to help this process. Type 2 diabetics are insulin *resistant*, meaning their bodies are producing insulin, just not able to use it. That is what I have, and currently it's being treated with a few pills twice a day. I do not need to inject insulin now, and may never need to do so, even though the disease will progress.

As far as blood glucose goes, roughly normal range for someone without diabetes is 99mg/dL or less before a meal, and 110 or less after. When I was diagnosed, I had readings before meals ranging from 200 to 286, nearly 3 times the normal range. For diabetics, ideal before meal range is 90 to 130, and after meals less than 180 (above 180 and the extra glucose molecules spill into your urine and begin to damage your kidneys). For anyone my age planning to have kids one day, which Matt and I would eventually like to do, the ideal is 80-120, with the morning pre-meal being around less than 100.

A1C numbers are a representation of your average glucose level over a period of 2 or 3 months. Some glucose becomes permanently attached to the red blood cells, and these cells have a life span of 3 months or so. By measuring how much glucose is permanently attached, you can get a clearer picture of what the average levels have been than what measuring a few times a day can tell you. In non-diabetics, 4-6% is the number. When I was diagnosed, mine was 10.6, which translates to somewhere between 240 and 280mg/dL for a blood sugar reading. LOTS of potential damage there. The ideal diabetic A1C is 7%, and for being healthy enough to have kids, most OB/GYN's want an A1C of 6%. This translates to an average blood sugar of 120.

The medicines I take are Metformin (which helps my body use the insulin I produce) and Glimepiride (which keeps my liver from over-producing glucose overnight while I sleep). I take two Metformin in the morning with breakfast, and two in the evening with dinner. I take the Glimepride in the evenings also. There are other drugs I could take, even combinations of these in single pill forms, but these two are safe to use during pregnancy, so we wanted to start with those so that when I decide to have kids I don't have to switch anything up. If I were to have gotten pregnant before getting the glucose numbers under control, I would have immediately been put on insulin shots. This is much better, and there's no rush ;)

So What (and How) Am *I* Doing?

The short answer is "great" (and "everything I can").

My doctors and I discussed things pretty thoroughly, and we all feel that, since I do want to have kids one day, those are the numbers that should be my goal. But, we also know that I didn't become diabetic overnight, and it might take time to get there.

When I started treatment, my average blood sugar numbers were still on the high side, 160's to 180s typically. Since then, I've modified my diet some--you all know that I was straight up miserable at first. But I've really been able to figure out what works for me and what doesn't, and believe me, I no longer deprive myself. I keep Snickers in the freezer still--but they're minis, and I only eat one every now and then. Replacing all the sugar in my baking with Splenda was a nightmare--I don't care what anyone else says, I could TASTE it, and it tasted like metallic chemical death to me. So, instead, I use Splenda baking blend (and brown sugar blend), which is half Splenda and half real sugar. And it totally works, and no more metal taste. I don't eat white potatoes, and I don't miss them, sweet potatoes taste better anyway. But I almost never eat fries, and I DO miss them, so when I can't stand it, I go get the $1 small fry at McD's, and I'm as happy as can be. I count my carbs (roughly, very roughly) during the day and try not to eat more than 30 at a meal. We almost never eat pasta anymore, but when I have to have spaghetti or Mac&Cheese, the whole wheat stuff works fine and I work very hard to control the portions. I try to limit bread, but trust me, I still eat plenty of it. I'm just AWARE now, and the results? AMAZING, you guys. It's totally working. Thanks to my awareness and meds and the evening walks, THESE are my new #'s:

I average 95 or so in the mornings.
In the evenings, before a meal, around 80 (though a big lunch will give me a 115).
Walking drops my glucose nearly 20 points typically.
My weekly average is about 93, 2 week is 95, and 30 day is 99 (these are almost all pre-meal #'s, so my actual average is probably higher, but definitely in a good range).
My A1C went from 10.6 in July, to 8.8 in August, to 7.6 in September. I won't get that tested again until December, but since an A1C of 6% is about a 120 average, I think I should at least see that. All these translate to my ideal levels, already. Just 3 months into treatment.

So, you see, all is well with the Bee Bees. My health is good, my attitude is great, and my numbers are in a wonderful range. And I'm not making myself miserable over food, I'm eating what I want and when I want, but MANAGING it well.

And that, as they say, has made all the difference...

The Sad Sad Tale of Boldness in Anonymity...

2008-10-08T18:13:00.002-04:00

You guys, sometimes the internet breaks my heart.

It's true that the World Wide Web has enabled me to do many amazing things. I can shop a wider variety of products from all over the world and can have them sent to my doorstep. I can put myself on Facebook and reconnect with dozens of long lost friends. I can see my friends' beautiful baby, only a day old, all the way in Colorado. And I can share my thoughts and feelings through this blog with you, any time I'd like, and read stories of encouragement, of hope, and of daily life from others scattered across the globe--people I don't know but who can impact my days a few sentences at a time. In many ways the internet is an amazing source of joy in my life.

But, more often than I'd like, I'm reminded of the sad and hateful place the internet can be.

We had a shooting here in Knoxville today. I should say, we had *another* shooting, but those are semantics for another time. We had a shooting at the mall just down the street from my old house, the house my brother lives in now. I've been to that mall dozens of times, and today someone shot two people there, and because of the internet I was able to know about it minutes after it happened. And, minutes after that, the comments on the local news website began to pour in. And I don't know WHY I do this, but damn if I didn't read them. And that's when the internet broke my heart.

There is something so sinister about the way people behave when accountability is removed. Just because you can hide behind the anonymity of a screen name, does that absolve you of basic human decency? My jaw dropped when I read things like "Woops, looks like Obama just lost another two voters". Hateful, horrible, ignorant things. And they just kept coming, one after another. The comments section turned into political grandstanding and the website staff can't even keep up with deleting the racist, bigoted, and inflamatory posts, there are so many pouring in. You see, this mall, this is the "other" mall. The "poor" mall. So the assumptions simply make themselves and the blame flies, before the facts can even be reported. And my faith in humanity withers a bit with every post.

You have made me sad today, Internet. A man is dead, and a small child has lost a father. I hope your cold, cruel, and cowardly anonymous comments comfort you tonight. They're doing nothing for the rest of us.

It's almost here!

2008-09-29T10:46:00.004-04:00

Days! Inches! Milliseconds! That's how long it is to fall, my friends. I don't care about "official" dates, for me, October 1st is FALL, no arguments
otherwise. The weather forecast seems to agree with me. Today? Mid 80's. Tomorrow? Same story. October 1st? UPPER 60's, Thankyouverymuch. And low 70's or better from there on out. *sigh* Oh, I heart you, October!

I'm never sorry to say goodbye to summer, no matter how much I anticipate it's return each year. Fall relaxes me, somehow--I start to think about slow cooked meals and lazy crisp Sundays and sweatshirts, and I can't stop sighing or smiling.

We're in a bit of a lull here, project-wise. Still waiting on contractors and borrowed tillers and such, the landscaping and pergola building has turned to wait-and-see priority. So instead, we spent our weekend reveling in football (even if Cro mpton continued to disappoint me-- your job's at stake now, bud), replanting fall window boxes, and planning for Halloween. Sunday morning we slept in, I made banana nut pancakes from scratch, and we sipped coffee in the sunroom and weighed our options for the day. Not having anything demanding on the schedule was, as Katie said, glorious.

Matt's relentless lawn-doctoring is paying off--after weekends full aerating, overseeding, and fertilizing, all our bare spots are showing signs of life, and this weekend we merely sat back and watched the babies grow. Every day the patches get greener and fuzzier, it's my Chia Yard :) Just a few more weeks and all should be well established (and we can go back to letting the dogs roam freely!). Next spring, it'll be like a brand new lawn, and my husband will be king of the yard once more!

So after a lovely and restful weekend, today is a Reset Day, and I feel renewed enough to be enthusiastic about restarting the week. I've got some canning planned for later in the week, and visions of apple sauce and pumpkin butter further into the month. Warm. Cozy. Homey. That's my October. How's yours shaping up?

So. Where were we?

2008-09-23T19:20:00.004-04:00

Ahh, yes, playing catch-up, as always ;)

Football, and why it's not *always* great to be a Tennessee Vol

We stink this year, y'all. I mean, seriously, just not any good. And while I'd love to blame our lack of any real defense (um, ONE semi-standout player cannot support the team) or adjustments with a new offensive coordinator, the truth is I'm laying this one squarely at the feet of our lack-luster QB, who, yes, stuck it out as a backup all those years behind Eric Ainge and is obviously being rewarded with the starting position for being such a good sport. But, um, screw good sports, I want a quarterback who doesn't repeatedly throw passes that bounce off the helmets of other players. You gotta aim a little higher, Crompton, if you want that ball to make it down the field further. Dear Santa, for Christmas this year I'd like our over paid lazy coach to recruit the dickens out of some real talent at QB. And don't let him try to tell you they just don't have enough cash to recruit. I live in Knoxville, *someone* is making money off all this orange.
*sigh*
I miss Peyton Manning.

The Desk Fish

Friends, last week marked the sad passing of my dear friend and work companion, Zoltron, Destroyer of Worlds (yes, that is his full name). My little grumpy-faced green buddy will be missed. He was laid to rest in the potted jasmine vine, a ceremony saved for only the most special of fish in the Hall household (most others opt for, *ahem*, burial at sea, if you know what I mean...). But let us not be sad, friends, for as the circle of life continues on, a new fish was welcomed to the desktop aquarium. He-who-has-yet-to-be-named was plucked from his tiny cell in a cup on a shelf at the local Petsmart and brought to our home and my office earlier this week. He was impossible to resist, as his coloring is just like that of the original desk fish, Sailor Jerry, (who remains my all-time favorite, if I'm allowed such partiality) and he was the most spunky, active fish on display that day. Since arriving at his new home, he has spent his time attacking his reflective nemesis, (making him look crazy) and sleeping on a leaf or in his cave (making him look dead). So far, a choice of name for the schizophrenic fella eludes me, but suggestions are welcome.

Let's see, what else...

(I'm saving yard stuff, and cooking/Bee bees, for another post)

Oh, yes!

WALKING

So we've lived in this house for almost a year now, and I still don't really like walking in our neighborhood. There's no sidewalks, the cul-de-sacs are kind of boring to walk and the terrain is either completely flat or inconveniently straight up and down. Even the chance to sneak a peek into my neighbors houses held no thrills for me. So recently Matt and I jumped into the car and headed over to Campbell Station Park, which I've driven past a million times, always with intentions of checking it out one day. The park is adjacent to our local library branch and is only a 5 minute drive from the house. Y'all, I've completely fallen for the place. I love it. Love love love. The walking trail is fantastic--both paved and mulch paths lead up a hill at a moderate climb, nothing too taxing but still a good workout. If I do a warm up lap around the library trail and then head up the hill and back down twice, it's a solid 40 minute workout. If you put me on a treadmill for 40 minutes I'd want to shoot myself after 10, but this? This I can get into. After Matt went with me the first time I started taking the dogs, and now they come as well, and seem to be as excited as I am to go. Now we go every weekday. Today I had a lot going on and had almost decided not to go at all, but the dogs are so into the routine that they convinced me otherwise. Linus practically does backflips. Now that's a heck of a motivator :) SO, I'm going, I'm working out so much more during a week than I ever would otherwise, and the results (in addition to, you know, fitness and junk) is that my Daisy Bee bees numbers have been the best yet. So, yes, good for me :)

Okay, I'm sure thats enough for now, but as I said, more about the yardwork and some adventures in cooking next time...

Oh, yes, and here's a picture of the Danger Twins, Linus and Lucy, for their Aunt Hannah, who misses them!

Holy Pajamas, y'all...

2008-09-19T14:29:00.002-04:00

I haven't blogged in like, forever. Guess we've been busy?

In lieu of actual blogging, I'm going to jot down a laundry list of things I intend to talk about just as soon as I get a chance (probably Sunday or so) to move some pictures around as well:

Football, and how really not good we are at it this year
The passing of my desk fish, Zoltron, Destroyer of Worlds
The new as-yet-to-be-named desk fish
Homemade Peanut Butter (!)
Splenda, and why I'm giving up baking with it
A Daisy Bee Bees number update and new A1C
My new walking obsession
Matt's yard maintenance insanity
The complete and utter tragedy that is my hair
Figs

Things that will not be discussed but you should know are equally on my mind:

How stinkin' cute all your babies are
How much I miss the ones of you that I haven't seen in ages
How cool it would be to hang out with the ones of you I've never met
How it's finally thisclose to being fall
How irritating it is that Coke won't come out with a caffeine free version of Zero

I think that should do us for a while ;) We'll talk more soon...

A little less conversation...

2008-09-04T09:23:00.002-04:00

Today, I'm letting the pictures do most of the talking. These are the things making me happy this week...

Fall Decorations

New Pottery

A Brand New Copper Pot for the Collection

Wine Bars and Pot Racks making my life easier

And Stellar Daisy Bee Bees Numbers

(my seven day average)

A break in the weather...

2008-08-28T12:36:00.002-04:00

It's been a bit gloomy outside (which I personally, LOVE; Matt, not so much) and the scorched earth around Knoxville is finally benefiting from a good soaking. But today the clouds finally broke and it's been a partly sunny day, so far. Steamy, as per usual, but cheerful nonetheless.

The weather I had been under finally seems to have broken as well--I wasn't exactly *sick*, but just not feeling myself for a few days. Little dizzy, little nauseated, little tired--I'm guessing some Daisy bee bees effects. I think I've successfully bounced back today and am feeling normal again. The great Bee bees news is that my sugars have been spectacular of late, and I'm actually excited for my check up in 10 days or so. I'm hoping my A1C results show some real progress, which will mean I have the Bee bees well under control.

In other news...is it fall yet? I am SO ready. I have decided that, official or not, the first day of Fall in the Hall house is September first. I'm putting away all the summer candles and breaking out the cinnamons, maples, and hazelnuts. I'm buying mums and redecorating with pumpkins and leaves. In short, I'm OVER IT. It won't be 'cool' around here for another month or so, but I'm going to channel the season anyway. It's time.

Another sign it's time to usher in a new season? Football Time in Tennessee, y'all! Kick off is at 8 PM on Labor Day, baby. I'm so excited! Matt and I have already supplemented our growing orange wardrobe with a few new items, thanks to some awesome kickoff sidewalk sales, and I'll be spending some time this weekend coming up with the appropriate game day snacks. My brother's moving the last of his heavy stuff from Greensboro to Knoxville that day and we've of course offered to help with the unloading, so I don't know how labor intensive the menu can be, but I'll work it out ;) GO VOLS!

I've also designated September as the start of our fall landscaping projects (wanted to wait out the summer drought before we started digging in the clay!). We're putting in beds all around the house and across the bank behind our deck, so next week I want to start killing off the weeds and patchy grass in those areas, so later we can break out the tiller. The deck renovations and pergola building should be starting (cross your fingers) next week, so it's going to be a busy few months! My goal is to get all the beds finished and ready for planting next spring, and to plant a ton of bulbs so their spring debut will be stunning! We've really enjoyed this first year of putting polish on this place, lame old married couple that we are. Matt's really looking forward to fall lawn care--his first year with pretty much a blank canvass, since the state of our grass indicates no one has ever bothered to do much here before! I'm told there will be aerating, soil amending, and overseeding--all three of those words make me tired, but he loves it.

Aaaand, speaking of ongoing projects...my blog buddy Katie and I have been collaborating on a project that's finally ready to see the light of day! The incredibly talented Mrs. Mulder asked me to do some farm related illustrations for her, and she's going to offer them printed and/or hand embroidered on some fantastic organic market bags in her Etsy shop, TexasNorth. Katie is incredibly talented, if you've never seen her work, please please please go check out her shop and be on the lookout for our Farm Friends Organic Market Bags! This has been so much fun to work on and I can't wait to see the final results, you guys are gonna love 'em!

Well, damn.

2008-08-21T11:32:00.002-04:00

Negatory, good buddy. We do NOT have Cushings Disease, Syndrome, or any such variation on that theme. What we've got is plain ol' Type 2 Daisy Bee Bees.

I'm tempted to say that sucks and again feel weird for having wanted to have a disease and surgery, but you know what? I'm too damn tired to fret over it anyway. At least I don't have to pee in any more jugs (for a while) or collect my own spit. The new meds are showing some improvement, I feel much more confident about what I can and can't eat, and I didn't really want to have to stay in a hospital or have anything scanned, shaved, or sliced. So, we'll keep on keepin' on. Fine. Whatever.

Thanks for all your support and for feelin' weird with me and hoping I had a disease too. We'll just have to stick with the theory that my body is just slightly out of whack (isn't that always the case?) and that's part of the joy of being ME. Looks like I am going to order that Splenda cookbook I was looking at afterall, and it will be great, and I will make amazing diabetic friendly food from now on and we'll all lose 20 lbs and the world will spin safely on and on...Now if it will just cool off enough to make my evening walk an appealing venture, instead of the sweat-soaked sauna stroll a 95 degree day in the South tends to produce.

A girl with Daisy Bee Bees can dream, can't she?

Hello Again :)

2008-08-20T12:52:00.003-04:00

So the short version?
We're back, FL was great, it's really hot here, and no, I don't know anything yet.

The extended version? Absolutely! Love to!

It rained four and a half days of my vacation. You might think this ruined our plans, but not really. We did a bit more loafing indoors than out, but otherwise, it was exactly the low key, completely unexciting or eventful vacation Matt and I had our hopes set on. It was glorious. Even if there was a squirrel corpse present for most of it. We spent all the sunny moments in the pool, over-ate at all our favorite dives (and a few fancy ones), bought Matt birthday presents, and even visited the grown-up, thirtysomething equivalent of Disney World--the IKEA in Orlando. I didn't cook much, but the fried shrimp and fish tacos I made for lunch one day were my best yet--there's something magical about seafood in Florida, even if it did come from Publix*. I even spent several relaxing hours at the spa, getting an "ultimate pedicure". I think I may be addicted. The drive sucks, and I thought we'd never get home, but it was exactly the rejuvenating week I needed.

*on a completely unrelated side note, there is confirmation brewing that there IS a Publix coming to Hardin Valley, which is further proof that prayers DO get answered.

Now we're back and it's taken me three days to come close to catching up, but it's definitely good to be home. As much rain as we got in Florida, I was hoping a smidge had reached K-town, but alas, that was not the case, as my crunchy potted plans attested. I've saved what I could and tossed the rest, replacing the ones by the front door with Mums and Gerber Daisies. This summer has been completely weird, weather wise, and I think most of my plants are just exhausted from trying to survive--now we're in transition, summer's over, but it's not quite fall, and I've got my fingers crossed that the heat will let up soon so we can spend some more time outdoors. I've got a laundry list of projects to start, as usual ;)

So... the Daisy Bee Bees report:
Before we left I had an appointment with the nutritionist which actually went beautifully. She approved of nearly everything I was doing, diet-wise, and agreed that the way we eat was pretty fantastic anyway and just required a little tweaking. What we did discover was that I was being a bit too reactionary to my glucose readings when they were high--if I got one I didn't like, for the rest of the day I was avoiding carbs like the plague, and she said that can actually cause greater fluctuations rather than bringing things under control. She told me instead to be sure to eat carbs at every meal and even as a snack, as long as I was keeping the total carbs each time under 30 grams, and that would help me maintain a much more regular glucose level. My PA came in for part of the meeting also, and we all talked and agreed to add another medication to my regimen that has brought down my blood sugar even more, to near-normal levels most days, which has been fantastic. Today I did finally get a call from the office, but instead of giving me my test results over the phone, they told me they wanted me to come in and conference with the doctor--I have no idea, really, what this means, but I do get the feeling that if the tests came back without pointing to Cushings, they would have just told me so. My appointment is for 9:30 tomorrow (the earliest one they had open), so--once AGAIN--keep your fingers crossed that this time we've got some real answers. I'll be posting the minute I get back to let you all know the results, so, yeah, stay tuned!

Also this week (hopefully) I'll get around to an entry with pictures ;) I missed you guys!

Haven't thought about this in a while...

2008-08-08T11:36:00.001-04:00

An updated map--70% makes me pretty happy! One day we'll knock out those elusive Dakotas, Montana, and Wyoming...

visited 35 states (70%)
Create your own visited map of The United States

In Celebration of Eights...

2008-08-08T08:44:00.002-04:00

Today is 8/8/08.

This can only mean one thing. My husband has lost his mind.

NO, Wait! That's not right. It means it's 80's day at Brinks, and my husband was *required* to dress like he's in a Dire Straits video. Totally part of his job, I was assured. Otherwise I can't say I'd have let him leave the house like this. (he does routinely wear those orange Chucks, but we live in the Land of the Vols and one is given easy leeway with orange accessories)

I think he's got the outfit down, though. Well done, baby.

Today is also the last day before my much anticipated vacation. I can hardly wait for a whole week of little-to-no responsibility, fresh seafood, and potential chlorine overdose/prune hands from multiple days by the pool. I may not come back...

Yesterday I dropped off my various jugs and vials at the Endocrinologist's, and today I will be immersed in laundry, packing, and cleaning out of the fridge. We're set to spend our last night in town out with Mike and Ryn, celebrating (a week early) Matt's birthday before we take off. In short, I probably shouldn't be wasting time blogging, but we all know how that goes ;) Y'all have a great week, post lots so I have plenty to read when we get back, and I'll see you then!

Annoying update to the update...

2008-08-01T12:12:00.002-04:00

So, they did call. Yay!

Their answer? We got the results, but we still can't say whether or not you have Cushings. Boo!

Basically, the story is this:
My cortisol levels were elevated in the urine sample, but the bloodwork came back in a normal range, just not one conclusive enough to rule anything out. One test says yes, one says no, so what do you do? More tests. This time, I get to pee in a jug for two WHOLE days, AND (lucky me!) I get to spit into a vial every night around 11pm for THREE days! What wonderful contest did I win to be bestowed with such fabulous prizes? I know. You're jealous, aren't you?

Grr. This is ultimately frustrating, of course--I mean, MORE tests? But at the same time I'm hopeful that the doctors would not be putting me through all this if they didn't think Cushings was a very real possibility, so, you know, yay for being thorough, I guess. And they will have an impressive collection of my bodily fluids by the time this is all said and done. Urine, blood, AND saliva? Awesome, the only thing left is for them to put me on a treadmill with a drip pan and collect my sweat, too.

You gotta love modern medicine, y'all.

I'll be performing my lovely specimen collections next week, and then Matt and I are off to Florida, where I will NOT be donating any fluids. Instead, I plan to sit in the pool for about 5 days straight with umbrella drinks, and the only thing I'll be saving in the fridge are LEFTOVERS.

Annoying Update

2008-08-01T10:08:00.002-04:00

I called the doctors office mid-morning yesterday to explain I was anxiously awaiting my test results and could I please get someone to check on them for me. The very chipper receptionist took down all of my information, pulled my file, and promised that someone would call me by the end of the day.

It is now Friday (for those of you counting, that's a good 16 hours beyond the "end of day" deadline), and I haven't heard so much as a peep. They work half days on Fridays, half days that end, oh, in less than an hour.

Looks like I'll be kept waiting over another long weekend.
Yeah.
Thanks.
It's not like I'm interested in the results of this very important test that will determine all my future treatment and potentially mean surgery for me, I mean, really, why am I being so impatient? Gah.

I would appreciate an upswing sometime today...

2008-07-31T09:01:00.002-04:00

It's Thursday.

Last night, I could have sworn it was supposed to be Friday. That in itself is disappointment enough.
Also:

The doctors still haven't called.

I had a TICK on my BACK this morning.

My jelly won't set.

I think I'm getting a stye in my right eye.

Normally I would treat this kind of day with the classic Snickers/Fountain Coke remedy, but today I think we'll have to go with a can of Coke Zero, a Blue Bunny Sweet Freedom No Sugar Added "Candy Bar" (the closest relative of the Snickers Ice Cream Bar available), and the new episodes of Project Runway and Shear Genius on the TiVo in my office.

Any other helpful advice on improving my mood is always appreciated.

Bitter...

2008-07-29T11:09:00.002-04:00

Like orange peels and radicchio, that's me. Bitter.

Sometimes you just have to fess up and deal with it. Sometimes cheerful well-wishes and attempts to remind yourself of all the things you are grateful for aren't what you need. Sometimes you just have to pout a little and get it out of your system. So, you'll pardon me for a few paragraphs while I do just that...

As of this moment, no phone call from my docs. No results of the cortisol/ACTH testing. No word. I really am NOT a patient person, and I realize that today is technically only day 8 of the 7-10 days I was told I would have to wait for these results, but the waiting just does not sit well with me. Meanwhile, I am depriving myself all over the place, dietarily speaking, and my blood sugar continues to bounce all over the charts. Yesterday? 119, almost within normal ranges. Woo hoo! This morning? 187. I hate you, Daisy Bee Bees. Grrr. Also, while most of the side effects of the medication I'm taking have subsided, the lethargy persists. I am just shy of worthless these days. No motivation, all I want is to take a nap. I'm achy, I'm cranky--bless my poor husband's heart. My brain keeps coming up with projects that all sound like fun, and my body just yawns in response. I admit it, you guys, I'm a little depressed, and very worried that if these results finally do come back and it's *not* anything other than plain ol' Daisy Bee Bees, that situation will only get worse. Blah.

Also, I have to clean the fish tanks today. BOO.

Anyway. Thanks for indulging a gal. Let's talk about something else, shall we?

With freezer jam under my belt (and, OH, how awesome freezer jam is!) and refrigerator pickles now chillin' in my garage (as well as temporary amnesia of my previously discussed crisis of motivation), I've decided to give Jalapeno Jelly a try. The real deal, canned, sealed, etc. I think it's the pickle-high that's impairing my judgment. I mean, they look so pretty, right? Mine are made with Splenda instead of sugar, and I'm cursed with a fairly well developed sense of taste, so to me, while they taste great, I can tell how much deeper and richer a flavor they'd have with real sugar. Thanks again, Daisy Bee Bees! But I digress...seeing how lovely they are, and thinking of how much I'd love to create and can lovely jars of tasty treats to give as presents has me all wound up, and Jalapeno Jelly seems like the right first avenue to jump in. If that goes well, then maybe I'll outfit myself with a whole canning kit like this one. Or, you know, I'll do it once, add it to my resume, and move on ;) At any rate, I'm definitely trying out Jalapeno jelly while the bumper crop keeps rolling in from the garden.

While we were celebrating a nice tomato harvest last week, I decided to make a tomato pie, and it was pretty fantastic. Not exactly low carb, sorry Daisy Bee Bees, but since it was a one time treat, and since, for crying out loud, you gotta eat *some* carbs, I made it anyway. You guys, if I didn't have to restrict everything I eat now, I would eat this all the time! So amazing, if you don't already make this you have to try it now while the tomatoes are awesome!

Tomato Pie

Pastry for a two-crust pie (I cheat and use the store bought pastry all rolled up--almost as good as homemade and a damn sight easier)
3 or 4 good sized tomatoes, peeled and sliced
salt
Basil (fresh if you've got it)
1/2 cup mayonnaise (I used reduced fat/cholesterol Canola oil Mayo)
2 cups shredded cheese (again, I used 2%) of your choice

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
After slicing your tomatoes, salt them and layer them in a colander to drain for 10-15 minutes--this will help remove some excess water and keep your pie from being soggy. Meanwhile, mix the mayo and cheeses (I used a cup each of cheddar and a mozzerella) with a little salt and pepper to taste. Pat your drained tomatoes dry with a paper towel, and layer them in the bottom of your crust. If you're using fresh basil, layer the leaves on top of the tomatoes. If not, sprinkle the tops with crushed basil or italian seasoning. Spread the mayo/cheese mixture over the top, and add the top crust. Seal the edges, cut some vents, and brush with milk or a beaten egg if you'd like a nice, shiny top. Shield the sides of the crust with aluminum foil (or a pie shield if you have it) and bake for 20 minutes. Remove the foil and bake another 10-15 minutes, until the crust in golden brown and flaky. It's best to let this pie stand a few minutes before cutting--the molten cheese will solidify a bit and you will get a less oozy slice of pie--but I admit it's difficult to wait, the smell will be amazing! Serve alone as a tasty warm lunch (this would be great at brunch, too), or with a nice green salad for dinner. Simple, yummy, even vegetarian (although, you know, you *could* add chopped cooked bacon to the cheese mixture if you're feeling crazy).

So, there you have it, a little "thank-you" for letting me vent my Daisy Bee Bees frustration. You guys deserve it. Cross your fingers for a phone call this afternoon, I promise to keep you all posted!

It's a PEZ Parade!

2008-07-22T13:38:00.009-04:00

Nine months after moving into our little home, and we finally have hanging Pez cabinets to show. Some projects just take longer than others, y'all. But they're up, and they're filled, and the collection--which, seriously, is just a few years worth--is as stunning as I remember. Pez are just plain fun anyway, I mean, who doesn't like Pez? And singularly, they are iconic. But when you put them ALL TOGETHER in a case like this I think they're just an amazing piece of pop-culture art. So, yeah, com e see our Pez...

There are four cabinets total, three with dowel rods used for standing Pez, and one with plexiglass shelves for Pez trucks, which get displayed horizontally.

Each of the three standing Pez cabinets will house around 170 Pez dispensers, depending on how big their heads are!

The Pez are grouped together in sets (holidays, movies, cartoon characters, etc), but beyond that, the arrangement is subject to Matt's whims--for example, the Christmas and Halloween are arranged by characters, and within the characters, from most recent version to the oldest. The Star Wars Pez? They are arranged in two rows from (-I love you, baby-) most evil to least.

The Pez rest on two rows of dowel rods, tipping forward to show their heads better and to allow for another row to start behind them. Also, it looks awesome from the side ;)

There are more shots over on Flickr (some I might actually get around to giving titles and captioning!) if you're digging the Pez as much as we do, please go check 'em out ;)

Coming up next post...our produce bounty from a week of raiding Frank and Ruth Ann's garden, and Refrigerator Pickles! See you guys then!

Fibber! I fibbed!

2008-07-18T16:11:00.002-04:00

I promised Katie I'd post Pez next, and then I posted about that gorgeous quilt instead, and now here I am to go back on my word a second time, but for perfectly good reason, I promise (and not just 'cause my husband hasn't cleaned up the guest room enough for me to photograph the Pez yet anyway...)

I got more news from the doctor today.

Seems my super fun 24 hour urine test was not a waste of time afterall. The results showed elevated levels of cortisol, which is a sign of the Cushings disease I mentioned before. This means that some more testing is needed to either confirm or rule out the disease as the cause of my Daisy Bee Bees. I have to go in next week, late in the afternoon, and have more blood drawn. Cortisol is in high concentrations in the blood in the morning typically, and the levels drop throughout the day. So if the late afternoon draw still shows high levels of cortisol and ACTH, then it's a good bet that either my pituitary gland or adrenal glands are producing it, probably because of a non-cancerous tumor. Unfortunately, this test has to be sent out to another lab, and the results will probably not be in for another week (bringing us to roughly the 1st of August for this diagnosis).

So, what then, you might ask? (at least, I asked...)

If the levels are still high, I go have a scan to determine whether it's the adrenal glands (which sit atop your kidneys) or pituitary (in my brain) causing the dysfunction. The next step, it turns out, is surgery to remove it.

Now, y'all, I've never had anything more serious than a minor sprain and the chicken pox, so the word "surgery" is darn near terrifying. Not to mention I can't decide which gland is the lesser of two evils--BRAIN surgery, come on? There is nothing scarier. BUT, they go in through the nose, recovery is minimal, and at most I'll have a sinus headache and nasal congestion to deal with post-op, as opposed to stiches, scarring, and somewhat invasive abdominal surgery which will probably land me on my couch for a good two weeks. It's six of one, half-dozen of another if you ask me.

So that all sounds less than thrilling, right? But wait, 'cause here's the upshot:

If I do, indeed, have Cushings, and they remove the offending gland, everything is fixed for good. I mean EVERYTHING. I have an excellent chance of the Daisy Bee Bees being COMPLETELY reversed. All my hormones even out, there's no extra risks if we decide to get pregnant, to me or the baby, and I will probably have a much easier time conceiving. The signature extra weight most patients have with Cushings (the fun extra poundage that's all carried on the 'trunk' of the body) will probably fall right off. Oddly enough, having this disease will be a dream come true.

So, y'all, I need your help--send all your prayers, meditations, and karmic good thoughts my way in hopes that I DO have Cushings disease, and that I don't go crazy waiting another 10 days or so to find out.

Ahem....

2008-07-17T13:52:00.002-04:00

Please take a gander over there------------> at this most beautiful quilt. Isn't it great? DON'T YOU SERIOUSLY LOVE THIS QUILT? You guys, I do. I really really do. And if I can't win it, I want to make sure someone I love does so maybe they'll let me come over and pet it and snuggle it. So make with the clickies, go check out the Old Red Barn Co. Blog (which I am loving, thank you Katie), and maybe one of us will win. I don't yet have a kiddo to make a video of, so I'm already behind in the entries, but then again, it only takes one!

I hate the word Diabetes. Maybe I'll use a different word...

2008-07-16T08:41:00.003-04:00

Like, SugarBoogers. "My SugarBoogers is getting better." Or Daisy Bee Bees. That sounds too cute to be a *disease*, you know? "That's my Daisy Bee Bees medicine!" Anyway. Sorry, I digress....

So, how's it goin'?

Me, I'm officially a week into my new diabetic lifestyle, and for the most part I'm doing well. This week I started checking my blood sugar every day, which has been much less traumatic than I thought it would be. I thought I would be a wuss about pulling the trigger on the lancet device (I remember my grandmother's sounded like a staple gun to me when I was a kid), but this one is super gentle and it's just a teeeeeny tiiiiiiny sting. My sugars continue to be high (but getting better) and so far I'm only taking 1/4 of the dose of medication I'll eventually be up to. This stuff does funky things to you (my side effects are cramping, mild nausea that lasts for hours at a time, and, um, other intestinal joys that I won't detail for you here) so we are stepping up the dosage gradually to let my body adjust. Today, in fact, we go up to one pill in the morning and another at night (eventually it will be two pills at those times). Having just begun to adjust to the side effects, I'm a little wary of how I'll feel this evening, but you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

On the food front, I'm doing well. I miss the hell out of some chocolate, so I got some Dove sugar free chocolates, and those at least help me not feel completely deprived. I also got some reduced carb, no sugar added ice cream bars, because I cannot sit and watch my husband have an ice cream sandwich and be happy with a stupid sugar free popsicle. Otherwise, the changes are minimal really--whole wheat tortillas, bread, pasta, and english muffins; reduced fat cheeses, 1% milk instead of 2%, and heart-healthy margarine (I'm still upset about this, I once vowed never to use anything but real butter ever again); salt substitutes and Splenda--it's sounds like a lot, but they are minor alterations since, really, we ate pretty well before.

I know I sound a little like a broken record on that subject, but if I thought for a second I was just saying that to make myself feel better about the way Matt and I eat, I got confirmation of how well we are doing yesterday, when I had to go to stupid mandatory "Healthy Eating" class. Of the six of us in the class, I was the youngest by 3o years (no joke), and apparently the only one that doesn't subsist on pre-packaged processed foods and Fried Stuff with Cheese and Gravy. The whole room groaned when the dietitian said to stop drinking whole milk (are you kidding me? I didn't think anyone drank whole milk anymore...), and bless their hearts, only half of them had working hearing aids. It was a long two hours, and while I did learn a thing or two about servings of carbs and the origins of trans fats, tips like "when you go out to eat, don't eat the whole basket of rolls, and try to order water, unsweet tea, or diet soda" were kind of a no-brainer for me. I also have a mandatory one-on-one session scheduled with the dietitian, and I really can't wait to break out my weekly menus and recipes to show her and say "Okay, you tell me, what *else* can I possibly do?"

Speaking of menus, this is what we're having/had this week, just to show (and remind myself) that it's not all that bad...
Monday: Bourbon and Mustard Marinated Flat Iron Steaks, Whole Wheat Couscous with Mushrooms and Rosemary, and Spicy Broccoli with Garlic and Red Pepper Flakes
Tuesday: A recipe courtesy of my mother, Southwestern Turkey Soup, topped with Avocado and Sour Cream (mom swears this soup is magic and always reduces her blood sugar--true to reputation, my sugar last night was my lowest so far)
Wednesday: All recipes from my Diabetes cookbook--Super Lean Meatloaf, Green Peas, and Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes
Thursday: Sezchuan Tempeh Stir Fry over Brown Rice (also from the cookbook)
Friday is leftover free for all, and Saturday we have plans to go out.
Sunday: All fresh Veggies from the Garden--yellow squash, green beans, navy beans, tomatoes and cucumbers, and maybe some purple hull peas if we get lucky.

So, I'm still cooking like Cortney--we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief ;) Katie, there is a Pez picture post in the works for next time...

Meet my new Best Friends...

2008-07-10T10:47:00.003-04:00

The diagnosis is in, and yes, I have Type 2 Diabetes.

Well, woo to the effin' hoo.

So the book and the blood monitor and I are exchanging pleasantries, you know, trying to get used to one another, begrudgingly. It's not that they're bad, per se, it's just that they represent restriction, and as you all know well, food and restriction are not supposed to go together in my world. My world is one where I make my own bread AND butter, where I know how to roll sushi, decorate cakes with chocolate butterflies, and smoke my own barbeque. Where I was contemplating learning to cure my own bacon or to make cheese. Where I can do, make, or eat ANYTHING I want. NOT one where I pop 4 pills a day, draw blood (on purpose), and rid my diet of simple carbohydrates. Sure, I'm a huge proponent of moderation, but I was much cooler about it when it was VOLUNTARY.

Screw you, diabetes.

All right. The real truth is, it's NOT THAT BAD. I'm just stubborn (Taurus-THE BULL) and don't like being told what I can and can't do in my very own kitchen. The book is actually great--the recipes look good but what is most helpful are the tips on what you can modify in meals you already make to exchange the bad fats for good, simple carbs for complex, etc. She also uses only natural foods, no chemically altered low-fat foods or sugar substitutes, which I kinda like (although I will be using Splenda myself). And really, we don't eat that poorly now, it's not like I live on fast food and cookies, so this isn't a world upheaval. It's more the principle and hassle of the whole thing that has me down. I know I can do it, I'm up for the Iron Chef Challenge of it all, but I'm still frustrated. In my fantasy life one day I run a little cafe and bakery, and it's tough to work diabetes into that dream. Not impossible, like anything, just not what I had in mind.

I wish I had a frozen Snickers and a fountain Coke to make me feel better--OH WAIT, I CAN'T HAVE THAT ANYWAY. See--it's things like THAT bringing me down. I hardly ever *require* the Snicker/Coke pick-me-up, but knowing I can't have it is a killer. I must take inspiration from my dog Lucy, who also has to endure a restricted diet (thanks to food allergies), and who has learned to be excited about the ice cubes I give her as treats in lieu of Milkbones. And you know what? Every once in a great while, I give her steak, and damn the consequences. So I guess Cokes and Snickers will be my once-in-a-blue-moon-I-deserve-it-for-being-such-a-trooper treats. Yes. That is somewhat encouraging...

I do love my doctors, they are great, and the PA that's handling my case is superb and very relate-able. We think this is 90% a result of heredity (and the rest a result of me doing whatever I damn well pleased all these years), but just to be thorough they are running some other tests for other possible origins (Cushings and Polycystic Ovary Syndrome--I don't have all the symptoms of either, but I have a few, and it's worth looking in to). If I were diagnosed with either, it wouldn't necessarily change how we're already treating the diabetes, but of course we'd be able to treat either of these as well and it may reduce the effects of the diabetes in the long run, require me to take less medication, etc.

These stupid human bodies require so much maintenance, you know? I once heard it said that if your body was a car you were thinking about buying, you'd pass it up for being such a hassle.

So. That's that. The diagnosis is what it is, and I just have to learn to adapt. And I think I'm done venting. Let's move on. So what else is new?

We're finally getting the rainy day I've been hoping for since May, and I have a very special date with a couch, my book, and some hummus and pita chips--because THOSE I can eat. Not too shabby, right? Shaping up to be a good day already. . .

I love you guys.

The good, the bad, and the whatever...

2008-07-07T09:27:00.004-04:00

Well I hope everyone's long weekend was as glorious as ours! With the exception of a little school work, we spent the entire period from Thursday night to Sunday night doing only things we truly wanted to do, be they productive or not.

Rock on, holiday weekend.

Exciting things:

We spent a great night out (which, seriously, we haven't done in FOREVER) with some of our very favorite out of town guests (Hi Ally!) and some of our very favorite K-town peeps (What up, Wileys!) Thursday, gorged ourselves on wings and conversation, and went to bed remembering exactly why it is we love these guys so much. Socialization is GOOD, people. I forget that sometimes!
My Butt Smoking experiment (as it became known) Friday was a complete success, and Southern Pulled Pork BBQ is now the official menu for the Pergola Party (when that project comes to fruition, which, I'm guessing, will coincide with Football Season quite nicely). Really, you guys, if I'd have known it was this easy, I'd have added it to my cooking repetoire much sooner.
Freezer Jam, too, went off without a hitch. It was a day of Americana in the Hall kitchen on the 4th, no doubt. I made Strawberry Jam and Blueberry Peach. So easy, you guys, I'll post a little picture tutorial later, but you don't need it.
Saturday afternoon Matt out-ordered me at the Stir Fry Cafe (that doesn't happen often) with his Thai Wrap--it never occurred to me that you could make a delicious chicken curry portable like that. We then went home and conquered yet another nagging project on our To-Do list--framing up our Farmer's Market posters. I will never be afraid of irregular sized art again! We got the frame pieces, got some glass cut, and put everything together ourselves with nary an incident. I think they look smashing!

After a morning of lounging Sunday, Matt got ambitious and started yet another project we've been discussing--mounting the Pez cabinets. For those of you that don't know, Matt collects Pez dispensers, and has the most amazing cabinets to display them (courtesy of Frank, naturally). We decided they'd work best in our guest room, and now they're all mounted and awaiting The Great Pez Reorganization. As soon as the boy gets everything in place, there will be pictures!

Less exciting things:

We finally moved all the Christmas stuff out of the storage unit and brought it back over to the house. We filled the shelves Matt built in a matter of minutes, and hey, guess what? We still have a garage stuffed to the brim with boxes. GAH. Much consolidation is to come, as well as getting rid of some stuff. So, yeah, if you guys feel like you're missing something Christmas-wise, let me know, I bet I can find it for you! You want all purple lights for your little girl's tree? DONE. Need an inflatable Teddy Bear for your yard? I have a couple to choose from. SERIOUSLY. We're thinking of having a Christmas-In-July Yard Sale.

Things that suck:

Yeah. At my annual checkup back in May, I was casually talking with my doctor about various health concerns, and she offered to run labs for me just to get an overview of where I stood, health-wise and all. Well, she ran the labs, and then we ran labs again last month just to be sure, and it turns out that my glucose level is crazy high. So, at the end of this month, I have an appointment to see an Endocrinologist, but all signs are pointing to me having Type 2 Diabetes.

I've had lots of mixed reactions to this, anywhere from me crying for an hour to complete rage to total acceptance, but overall I think I'm okay with what I have to do. It's most likely hereditary (both my mom and grandmother) so it's not as though I brought it on myself--what are you going to do about genetics, you know? Obviously a change of lifestyle is in order (case in point: Freezer Jam was all made with Splenda), and I am pretty stubborn when it comes to having to change something that is so important to me (cooking is more than my hobby, it is my JOY, and having to restrict that in any way is frustrating to me), but, you know, that all pales in comparison to kidney trouble or blindness, so I'm dealing with it. I've got a couple of books, including an amazing cookbook that deals with natural ways to adjust your diet and control blood sugar that I'm really excited about. I'm sure the doctor will get me on a blood monitoring program and I will probably have to take medication, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be as healthy as possible for as long as possible. I guess maturity will do that to you ;) So, anyway, if you all have a book you think I should read or any tips and advice, send it my way, it's greatly appreciated!

Now, the fun weekend is over and it's back to Monday-As-Usual. That's okay with me, all that relaxing kinda wore me out! I've got laundry calling, plants begging for a watering, and a lunch date with my brother in the works--plenty to do, in other words, and too much time spent on blogging, as usual!